No, I Don't Want to Steam My Uterus

Oh, Gwynnie, Gwynnie, Gwynnie. You were so good in Shakespeare in Love and incredibly awesome in Glee, but oh, honey...  Telling people they should steam their uterus (and yes, going with the singular "uterus" there as I have not a clue what the plural would be. Uterii?!

Anyhoo, no, no, no. Excuse me while I clench my legs shut in pain at the thought of that. I've felt a waft of steam when I've opened dishwashers in the past and that just momentarily hits my face, which is more than enough. And you want us to voluntarily and happily steam our vaginas? That is just crazy talk.

This is going to go hella-bad hella-fast. People will jump on this bandwagon because it's Gwynnie and start offering this or even worse doing so to oneself at home. I predict an influx in ER and GYN visits after women have accidentally burnt their vaginas. Gaaah.

And she suggests making it a mugwort steam. Yeaaah, mugwort is a form of ragweed. Hellooo, allergic reaction for pollen sufferers.

Gwynnie, I love ya, gal. You were fantastic in your Howard Stern interview but I'm surely not jumping on board this steam engine.

Do You Measure Up?

This one's for the guys -- Have you measured your penis? I'm not asking for the measurements (keep that to yourself, boys, because we will only just delete an inch or five off the number you give anyway...), but just wondering if you have or not.

Heck, if I was a guy, I probably would because I'd be curious.

As women, we do have to measure our boobs so we know what size bra to wear. Should be the same for guys. Underwear by waist, hip and penis size. ;)

The Problem with Perfect

I was scrolling down my FB newsfeed this morning and a post from "Single Dad Laughing" titled My Old Friend, the Disease Called "Perfection" caught my eye. I stopped to read it as his posts always move me and found myself tearing up whilst reading about how everyone pretends everything is perfect when what we really need is "real".

Wow, did that ever strike a chord with me because hell, I know quite a few people think my life is perfect -- and that is all because that's what I show. I'm one for keeping the bad off of FB and usually keeping it from pretty much everyone because I'm known as "Little Miss Sunshine"... The woman who always has a smile on her face and happy things to share.

For anyone who knows me and reads this, you get that's not always the case, right? I don't walk around surrounded by sunshine and rainbows and puppies. My life has just as many low points as anyone else's. I just choose not to show them.

But -- in the interest of sharing the "real" in case this helps anyone out there who may be comparing themselves to my sunshiny posts...

- I was on anti-anxiety meds for close to 4 years after a job that put me into one of hell of a depression and massive lack of sleep, and WebMDing, which convinced me I had something really wrong with me. Nope, just anxiety and anxiety brought on about the anxiety by good ol WebMD. (And yes, I no longer visit the site. Just don't...) I was still on those meds for a few years after I got out of that job, but haven't taken them in a few weeks and have even gotten through being impacted by a recent layoff without them. (Oops, it's tough to shake the Little Miss Sunshine bit...)

- Speaking of that layoff, I know I've been puppies and rainbows about it. It IS giving me the chance to move on and start something new, but the thought of something new and not succeeding or not being able to pay the bills if I don't find something long-term does indeed worry me. It's not giving me near the anxiety I had before, but heck, I'm human. If I wasn't worried at all, I'd think I was a cyborg.

- Was talking about this one with some excellent friends just the other day. In high school, I felt like a ghost -- basically non-existent. I was so, so shy and kept to myself to the point that I spent lunches in the library so I wouldn't have to sit at a table by myself. All these years later, those high school years still haunt me. I've found self confidence in spades since then, along with freaking amazing friends and lots of love. But, that ghost and those feelings of not existing nor being noticed is still there -- which also makes me wonder if things like hell even starting this blog are really just a means of attention-getting. Will be pondering that one a bit more.

So, yes, there you have it. Some realness for the day, kids. Share your real below. It's anonymous. 

Masks

I'm waiting for a lacy eye mask to arrive in the mail today (part of my adult toy company offerings, of course), so of course I'm thinking of masks.

My first introduction to masks was the masquerade ball in "Labyrinth" and ooof, that was a hot, hot ball watching it now that I'm not a pre-teen. C'mon, Jareth in those tight leggings (I still refuse to believe the bulge was fake -- no. Just no) dancing around and watching Sarah try to figure out who was who with everyone wearing a mask and knowing he could have been behind any of the masks? Yup, smoking hot.

And then there's the masked scene from "Eyes Wide Shut". I'm going to admit that I don't actually think I've ever watched that full movie -- mainly because at the time, I was still pretty close-minded and almost puritanical. Y'all can stop laughing now knowing that that girl became the writer of this blog and sells sex toys. ;) Hmm, thinking I should watch that movie and see what I think of it now.

This blog itself is in a way a mask that I wear every so often to hide behind in a sense, since I don't have it affiliated with my name at all. Although, so many of my readers know who I am, and I also know for a fact that it has changed some perceptions of me -- for the better from what I understand. I definitely like it. But I also like that when I'm looking for a job or meeting someone for the first time, this part of me isn't known and out there attached to my name. So it's a mask I will happily keep as a mask.

Hmm, this post got away from me a bit. I started out writing it thinking I was going to chat about the masks that people wear in every day life, but it went elsewhere. Works for me -- that's kind of how my mind works.