Forget Butthole Surfers -- Now There's Butthole Steaming

Well, we know that Gwynnie promoted steaming one's vagina.

But did you know that the same place -- the Tikkun Spa in Santa Monica -- also does butthole steaming for men?? Seriously, this is a thing that people do willingly, and not as part of torture. Two guys tried out anal steaming and posted the results recently on Buzzfeed, which is how I heard about it. Why does this exist? Why? Why??  (/Nancy Kerrigan)

Although, they did have a good rule -- Don't start out setting it to the highest steam level of 10, because that hurts. Umm, yeah, I would think that sending blazing hot steam at your ass would hurt. They also advised to keep one's penis and balls tucked up and out of the steam. Again, also good advice.

Here's more good advice. Don't go to a spa to get your butt or vagina steamed! Seriously, none of this sounds like a good idea. Instead, it sounds like the new worse version of waterboarding. Are you kidding me? People pay good money ($50 for a half hour) to have the steam of very, very hot water "open them up". Nope, nope, nope. I'm all set, thanks.

And looking down the list of their treatments, I see Tikkun Couple's Purity Steam. Sadly there is no description because that sounds like it requires one. Does it bring someone's virginity back? Is this really something couples do? "Hey, honey, I have an idea for a great romantic date! Let's go get your vagina and my anus steamed!!" Yeaah, there would be a Nefarious Vixen-sized hole in the wall as I would be getting out of there and away from that freak on the immediate.

Steak & BJ Day

In case you didn't know, Steak and Blowjob Day is a thing. Apparently, it happens on March 14th every year and is dubbed as being the "holiday for men" as Valentine's Day is the "holiday for women".

Oh, boys, boys, boys... If you only get a BJ once a year on a designated day, well, I've gotta say I feel sorry for ya. And I also need to have a come to Jesus talk with your wives/girlfriends so they'll see the error of their ways.

BJs are fun for both the giver and the givee, if you're doing it right. Throw in some frosting, whipped cream or some Tasty Twist (had to get that sex toy product listing in there somewhere ;) ) and they're even more fun for the person giving the BJ.

I've gotta say that I really don't understand people (was going to say women, but then remembered I have gay readers. Hi, there!) who don't like giving BJs. I just don't. Hell, I'm the one who told a girlfriend who didn't want to get pregnant, but wanted to have sex (and apparently didn't want to deal with birth control at all, I guess) that the easiest thing she could do was say "Here, have a BJ" and that became the phrase affiliated with me by some of my girlfriends for quite a while after.

But, wait a minute -- so this is Steak and Blowjob Day for the boys. When the heck is Ice Cream and Cunnilingus Day for the women?