Thong or Today's Torture Device

Oh, thongs. I get your appeal -- hell, there's a whole song devoted to you. (And whilst looking for "Thong Song" on YouTube, I found out that "Glee" did a version of it. Alrighty? How the hell do I not remember that?)

Anyhoo, yes, thongs, I understand. You remove the awful idea of the VPL (visible panty lines). Can't have that. And some women love to flaunt you while wearing low-cut jeans. I get it. You're hot. You're sexy. It's all good.

But, thong, why do you have to be so damn uncomfortable? Why? Why? Why? I love the idea of you. Seriously, I do. And I want to wear you, but comfort wins out (almost) every time. Yes, I know. I could go commando (and have), but there's just something about you, thong. I want to like you.

Maybe I've been trying the wrong brands? If there's a brand out there that is actually comfortable, gals, fill me in.

The subject of thongs came to me when I was reading E! Online today and noticed this article about a C-String. It's a thong without the side parts to it. Yup, let that sink in for a minute. There are no sides to this thong.

How on earth would that stay on, then? I'm sure I'm not the only one who read the article and immediately thought it was some kind of vibrator/dildo.

But, no, that's not the case. Instead it's a hard but flexible material in the back and just stays put in between your cheeks. Can't say I'm getting that idea because I know I'd be the fool who would try it and instantly have it fall to the floor during a meeting or something. No, no, no.