Two-Eyed, No-Horned Introverted People-Person

With apologies to the song, "One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater", this blog post title has been stuck in my head for weeks, so I figured I'd better write it so I can stop singing the damn thing in my head. And since I've been a writing fool all day for work, might as well do some non-work related writing as well.

Yesss, I hear a few of you saying "Write your book!". I will. I promise. And heck, might even do some more writing of that tonight, but I think stepping away from the laptop for a little while to get a breather from writing might be better for tonight. Give ye olde typing fingers a rest.

Anyhoo... this post. I've been networking up a storm and that's been fun, but I got to singing this title to myself when I was returning home from one of the networking events the other night because I was thinking about how I'm totally an introverted people-person and that just makes no sense at all to me.

I mean, thank heavens I AM a people person because it would be insanely stupid to go to networking events and just stand in a corner by myself without talking to anyone. Defeats the purpose quite a bit. But even just a few years ago, there is no way in hell I would have been okay at networking events where the idea is to walk up to someone you don't know and introduce yourself and talk about yourself. GAAAH. Must run and hide and would have.

But, meeting new people actually jazzes me. Maybe it's the writer in me, but I love hearing their stories and finding out about people. And I guess it shows because I've made some good professional contacts at these events and heck, I love going to the events and seeing that my "buds" are there and love hearing about where one woman went for ice cream that day and where another woman is going on vacation. They're fun to talk to and we're building professional relationships through these conversations, and that's kind of what it's all about.

Of course, some of the women I've been meeting I could see becoming friends with, too. But would I email them to meet up? GASP.  That's where the introvert part of me comes screaming out loud. Seriously. Are you on crack? Actually ask someone to hang out? That's just crazy talk! They could say "no".

Seriously, this is how my mind works, folks, from past years of having insanely low self-confidence. Even though I love talking to people and have great conversations with them at networking events or heck, anywhere else, it takes a large amount of courage for me to actually say "Hey, want to grab coffee?" unless I'm certain of what the answer will be.

Friends I've known and hung out with for years? Totally fine with dashing an email to make plans because I know them and know that if a day doesn't work out, there's always another day. No big. So why doesn't the same brain that knows that's totally fine to get a "I can't that day" understand that it's exactly the same when someone I don't know all that well could say the same thing. Knock it off, brain.

So, hey, if any of you reading this know me in person (and good god, let's hope none of the people I'm networking with ever find this blog and figure out it's me considering all the other stuff I've posted here) and I've never said "Hey, let's hang out", don't take it personally. It's not you, it really is me. And, hell, I probably would love to hang out/grab that coffee, but because of the introverted side, it takes longer than it should.

And with that, I'm going to go actually take my own advice here and dash an email off to a woman I've become friends with through these networking events to schedule a coffee before the next one. Maybe...

JoJo's Bachelorette -- The Tuesday Night Episode

Much shorter blog post than usual as I have a work eBook to finish up. Plus, I didn't take any notes last night, so this is all from memory.

Chad

This show was basically all Chad all the time for reasons. He received the last rose at the rose ceremony mainly due to producer's involvement, I'm sure, and that JoJo was still just seeing the "kinder, gentler" side of Chad instead of the "Chad SMAAASH" side that the guys in the house were seeing.

Still not a fan of Chad, and wow, did this episode not do him any favors. The guy is hot, sure (holy chiseled abs and veins popping on his shoulders) but he is a massive douchebag. Wow, I was about to say "I'm sorry but", but you know what, I'm not sorry for saying this at all. The dude quite literally threatened the other guys in the house and told Jordan he would find him after the show and beat him up. What the fuck, dude? That is some insane anger management shit right there. If there is any woman watching this show that still finds him hot after watching this episode, I have no words. None.

I'm glad JoJo finally realized what was going on when she asked him point blank if he did threaten anyone in the house and he said it was because they were asking him questions and pressuring him. Nope. Sorry. That is not how anyone should respond to being asked questions. You don't want to be asked questions? Walk away. Don't go into Chad Smaaash mode and threaten to find them later and beat them up. Jackassery at its finest.

Bye, Chad. Although looks like we have to put up with his antics again in the next episode in two weeks because this episode ended with him knocking on the door of the house because of course he has to confront the guys once again. Will be VERY glad to say good riddance to this ass.

Luke

First, JoJo really wants a "man's man", apparently based on how many times she said that in this episode. LOL Nice job chopping the wood for the very hot wood-fired hot tub. Luke is definitely hot and I think all of America felt bad for him that he lost a friend when they were both serving in Afghanistan. If she doesn't pick him, he has the next Bachelor nod just from this episode alone.

Group Date

I wasn't paying too much attention to this one as I was chatting with the little guy then. I know that Ben Roethlisberger (pretty sure I mangled his name. Sorry, dude) was there to help the guys play football, and that one team won and one didn't. And poor James T got a bloody eye somehow and Evan had a bloody nose. Other than that, I've got nothing.

For the night-time portion, two things stood out:

* Robby picking up JoJo and placing her seated on the pool table for a kiss. Freaking hot.
* Jordan telling JoJo that he's already falling for her. I'm pretty sure she swooned.

The Two-On-One Date

Nothing to say here that I didn't already say above in the Chad section.

Current Top Faves:
* Luke -- Because of course
* Wells -- He wasn't in it much, but still adorable
* No real third here this week

20 Minutes of Action

Two posts in one day. That's rare. But this one is one that needs to be written as a massive vent so that I can then move on to business writing.

"20 minutes of action..." That phrase is how Stanford swimmer Brock Allen Turner's dad described his son's rape of a woman. Seriously. Rape is seen as "20 minutes of action" in this douchebag's head. I'm livid. What is wrong with this world that this mentality exists and is out there.

I read the victim's letter on Buzzfeed over the weekend and have not been able to stop thinking about it since. So very brave of her to read this letter in court at his sentencing -- where he received just six months in prison for rape because a longer sentence would have a "severe impact on him". Fuck that noise.

Feeling the need here to add that I've thankfully never been raped. Have I been more drunk than I should have been when I was around guys? Sure. Have I been in situations I shouldn't have been in that could have gone hellaciously bad? Yes. Have I done things I wouldn't have if I wasn't drunk? Oh, yes. Was I raped? No.

There's one incident in particular in college that still sticks with me all these years later. But it wasn't rape. I never said "no" and I somehow (mainly due to my own insane naivety and lack of confidence) was a virgin throughout all of college, so no, it wasn't rape. Thinking back, if that guy was anything like Brock, that night could have been very, very bad and not just one heck of a "what was I thinking going off with that jerk?" regret but instead a life-changer. Thankfully, he wasn't -- not a great guy in the slightest, but not a rapist at all. I'll give him that.

But this story. It won't get out of my head. I'm just irate that this kid can receive only 6 months for a sentence and can change his story on the stand to saying she consented. How the bloody hell did she consent when she was unconscious? There is no way being dragged behind a dumpster and having pine needles inserted inside her by his fingers was something any woman would have consented to. Just no. The thought makes me ill.

So, so, so glad that those cyclists happened to be passing by and noticed she wasn't moving at all and pulled him off of her. I don't want to think about what would have happened -- and that Brock would have gotten away with this even further -- if they hadn't. Vomit worthy.

This woman can't sleep without the lights on due to the rape. Her entire world has been changed but Brock gets just 6 months because a longer sentence would have a severe impact on him. I can't. I just can't. The whole thing sickens me.

JoJo's Bachelorette Episode 3 - Yab Yum and Bloody Knuckles

And we're back again for a "very special" two-night event of The Bachelorette. Oh, dear. Shit's going down... Hmm, just remembered I'm out tonight for the beginning of the second part so time to set the DVR.

Chase's One-on-One Date

Okay, so they're going to a yoga class. Nothing unusual there. Ohh, "intimate" yoga? Well, there. I've sure been to the wrong types of yoga classes. An anger-gasm looks like fun.

Chase is hot, hot, hot. He still looks like Chris Bukowski (Mr. grown ass man) to me, but an even hotter version.

I have never heard the term "Yab Yum" before, but I'm getting behind the idea. This is basically some Sting'esque tantric sex going on here. Yup, will be investigating that concept a bit further. Plus, that was a great kiss.

"When I'm around JoJo, I feel excited..." Pretty sure that was the understatement of the century there, Chase. ;)

Ohhh, it's time for the special concert. I wrote down "Who the eff is Charles Kelly?" as I thought they had James Taylor the contestant playing for them for a moment. Hahaha Nope, instead, he's the male lead in Lady Antebellum. Turns out I've really only paid attention to the Lady part of the group apparently as I had no idea who this dude was.

Group Date Announcement

Wells. That fisherman's cardigan? You're killing it. Super hot.

Okay, so Chad is the Olivia this season, thinking he's the only one with a connection, right? LOL

Ads

Reddi-Whip and this tv show. Well, now we know what the fantasy suites are stocked with. Give me all those strawberries. Yum!

Helllooo, Legend of Tarzan. Thanks for the reminder about Skarsgard being in this, commercial.

Group Date

Oh, I feel bad for these boys. They're speechless that they're at a sex talk show. "Sex Talks". I need to see if there are any of these that are local. NOT that I want to get up and talk because nooo. There's this blog and then there's getting up in front of people that could know me hearing my tales. Big difference. But attending one would be hysterical.

Laughed quite a bit too much at Grant (I think it was Grant) saying "I've never heard anything like that..." during the woman's fake orgasm. Oh, really, Grant? You haven't? I'm a wee bit doubtful about that.

What I got from this was that Wells was in a threesome (!!) and someone farted. HA!

Oh, Evan, Evan, Evan... Basically saying that Chad uses steroids. Ouch. Glad you didn't go on to talk about the cautionary tales of steroid dick. Yikes. That was brutal.

However, Chad's reaction to it of grabbing his shirt and basically ripping the back of it (though, I'm wondering what happened there because it looked like it was torn in half on Evan's back when it happened, but then later Evan was walking around and the shirt was fine. Different shirt?) and then punching a door? Good god. Nope. Sorry, Chad. You will be receiving none of my roses with actions like that, especially the door punching that led to your bloody knuckles. That's a behavior that's a red flag to pretty much anyone, or it should be. Not a fan at all.

Night Portion of Group Date

I'd totally forgotten about Jordan until his talk with JoJo. She's very interested and so is he from touching her leg and wrapping around each other. Dude, telling her you wake up happy because of her? Awww, good job and great line!

On the other hand, Chad, if you have to say "Generally, I'm a nice guy...", you're not. You're just not.

I was stunned by Evan's ultimatum that it was basically him or Chad AND that he then got the rose. Yowza. Chad's reaction saying "Is this real?", though? Total dick move. So glad JoJo called him on it and told him he was being disrespectful.

Back at the House

This swings around a bit because James Taylor's date was interspersed with clips of back at the house, but I'll break them up.

They have a security guard there. Seriously?? Umm, producers, the far better idea here would be to remove the person from the house that's the cause for the security guard. Sure, Chad is bringing great television, but holy loose cannon.

Oh, hey, Derek and Luke. I totally forgot about them as well and they were on my top picks list from last week. Sorry boys.

Snorted at Daniel comparing Chad to Hitler! That was the best moment, followed by Chad eating a sweet potato like an apple.

James Taylor 

Okay, he's growing on me big time. The swing dancing and the outfits. All completely adorable. Loved it. I was basically going "Awww" through each of the segments of this date. Had flashbacks to my own ballroom dancing classes that I took, but left after I tried to lead the teacher, who was supposed to be leading me around the floor. Oopsie...

Jean Bellows the teacher was a sweetheart. Love this date!!

Also loved the flash mob swing dancing in the street. It was like "Newsies" broke out on the screen.

Hanging out in a convertible for the night portion of the date. Holy flashback to Grease and the 50s in general. James T just seems like an old-fashioned really nice guy. And holy shit, he's always considered himself an underdog in dating. Jeez, Louise. No wonder I think he's awesome. Dude, I can relate hugely. Big props to JoJo for telling him he is awesome and giving him the rose.

Was worried for a second when there was just a hug along with the rose instead of a kiss, but she did kiss him after he brought out the guitar. Phew.

JoJo, honey... "He makes me feel a way I'm not used to feeling." That feeling is called being cherished and respected. It's important. Follow that feeling.

Chris Harrison

No cocktail party. Instead, there's an all-day pool party pre-rose... And there's about 5 minutes left. No way is the rose ceremony happening on this episode.

Ay yi yi re: Evan and then Chad's convos with Chris Harrison. Seriously, Chris Harrison didn't know about any of the Chad stuff going on? Highly highly doubtful. Though, dude, what the fuck? You sent Chad back into the house to confront Evan and you think that's going to go okay? Good luck with that.

And there's the "To be continued..."

This Week's Favorites:

* James Taylor -- That's the kind of boy you bring home. Love him immensely.
* Chase - Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
* Wells -- Still freaking adorable.

JoJo's Bachelorette Episode 2 aka Tune in Tokyo

I didn't do a post for the first season because it's all really just the intros and the first cocktail party.

Plus, I actually only watched 20 minutes of it as a certain little guy was having a tough night's sleep so I spent the time hanging with him instead. Priorities won out.

So, starting off with the 2nd episode and the first week of dates.

Group Date

JoJo coming in to wield and spray a water hose. Yeaaah, no innuendo there. None.

Hmm, a firefighting contest, you say? Not too surprising at all that the firefighter, Grant, won. That was a really good kiss, though.

Wells was freaking adorable. Poor guy. And when he was talking to JoJo during the night portion of the group date and grinned. Oh my gosh, I swooned. Great, great smile. Plus, he has a dog named Carl. I love it! Seriously, he's my top favorite.

Luke. What can I say. So, so hot. JoJo's into him. She kept touching him while they were talking and stroking his hair and just constantly in contact with him. Girl is interested and why shouldn't she be? That kiss out on the balcony? Smoking.

Derek's One-on-One Date

The choices were cute, but what would have happened if they didn't say the same choice? I assume JoJo's choice would have fun. I did laugh when the options were "North" and "South" in the plane and they both chose North because going South would mean they would have flown into the ground. Ay yi yi. That's not what that means. LOL They would have gone in the direction of South from where they were. Nutters.

Derek seemed really normal and totally cute. He became even cuter when I saw those arm muscles stretch in that henley/baseball T he was wearing. Yum... And aww, poor guy was cheated on. I'm sure plenty of girls will be more than willing to console him if JoJo doesn't choose him.

NOTE: I have no idea who wins this season. Yes, I've read the spoilers in the past, but trying a new tactic this year.

ESPN Date

Holy shit. It's like the mothership calling the boys home. JoJo grew up watching ESPN? Doubtful! (Edited to add that the Internet proved me wrong, folks. Guess she is a fan.)

Those victory dances were pretty funny. I'm not sure what Nick was doing when he said he was adjusting the shower knobs, but it totally looked like he was playing "Tune in Tokyo" to me. Cracked up when he was doing that.

Chad calling JoJo "naggy". No, hon, just no. That doesn't fly. It's like insulting a girl as a pick-up line. Doesn't work and if any of the girls reading this ever fall for this shit, please take a look at your self-confidence level. Not okay. Although I do have to give Chad props (very begrudgingly since he screams "frat boy douche" to me) for saying it's bullshit that the guys are all saying they're in love with JoJo on basically their first date. That is true. Far too early, kids.

For the night-time portion of the ESPN date...

James Taylor. Oh, honey, I can't tell if those were potential song lyrics or a poem or what, but I think "Hardcore man stuff" was not exactly the phrase he was looking for. Seriously. ;) He did win me over with that sweet kiss, though. Boys, some advice here. When you're going in for a kiss, mimic James T's move of rubbing your thumb against her cheek/chin. It's a winner.

Rose Ceremony and Pre-Ceremony Cocktail Party

Nice steal before the party, Chad. Dammit, way to make me feel bad for ya by revealing you lost your mom 6 months ago. Crap. I felt kind of bad for calling the guy a douche, but then his antics during the party, especially threatening Alex and putting his hand in his face brought back the douche factor. Not a fan. Yes, good choice to actually EAT during the cocktail party rather than drink his brains out, but yeesh.

Wells wears pink socks!! Continuing the love.

Alex, you can't really get mad at Chad for cutting in on your talk, since that was absolutely producer-driven. Plus, have you ever seen this show? This happens every season.

The Men Overall

Chase reminds me of the "I'm a grown ass man" Chris Bukowski from Emily's season. Heck, so many of these men are interchangeable. Chase, Jordan and Chad all look the same. And whoever that guy is that was the last one to leave after the roses were given -- I thought that was James Taylor and was shocked he didn't get a rose. But then I saw James T standing there still and remembered he already had a rose.

My current faves: 

• Wells
• Derek
• Luke

Freebie List 2016

Close to midway through 2016 and I haven't yet issued this year's celebrity "freebie" list? How dare I? And yup, a few people on the list have indeed changed. Let's see who's still there and who's been added to the list -- and kisses to anyone I've taken off the list. Nothing personal, boys. 

1. Alexander Skarsgard -- Okay, so yeah, he still remains number one. Sorry, boys. It's going to take someone damn impressive to knock off Mr. Skarsgard from top billing. Come on... The height. Those arms. That ass. Those abs (image from the upcoming movie, "Tarzan", which yup, I'll be going to see. How could I not??). The ability to look like a Norse god while sitting out in the snow buck naked, and the confidence to know he's damn fine and to go full-frontal (and yes, that link still works) on screen while doing so. Oh, yes, he gets the first spot. He just has it all and he's a blonde, which I still don't get because for most of my life, blondes were a no-go for me until that changed. But bring 'em on! 

2. Chris Hemsworth -- He was the other reason I rethought my mantra of "just say no to blondes". Funny how dreams work. One day, a guy celeb isn't even a blip on one's radar and then one night there's a dream (oof, what a dream) and suddenly you're looking at him very, very differently. And thanks to a friend, I apparently need to see the movie "Rush" starring Chris Hemsworth in a number of sex scenes. Thanks to YouTube, I've seen the shower scene and the airplane scene, but the full movie is definitely on the to be watched list. 
3. David Boreanaz -- He makes a welcome return to the list. He caught my eye when he played Angel on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", and has grown up quite, quite nicely to be on "Bones". Again, tall. Shocker. Okay, not shocking at all knowing me. Hot, great abs and has that mischievous almost cocky gleam in his eye. Yeah, he can stick around the list again for a little while. 
4. Ryan Reynolds -- Deadpool Shirtless. 'Nuf said. Although he first caught my eye in one of the "Blade" trilogy movies when he was shirtless. 
5. Joel Kinnaman -- First learned of him when I saw "The Killing" (hell of a good show, but a very annoying as all get-out cliffhanger for the first season. Watch it knowing you'll have to wait til the 2nd season for answers) and fell in celeb lust. He's also starring in the upcoming "Suicide Squad", which will also be a must-see.

Okay, who's on your list?

The Bachelorette's Boys Revealed

I've been kind of waiting for this day, ever since word leaked that Jo Jo's season of The Bachelorette had the hottest guys ever. The pics of the lads (I so want to call them Jo Jo's harem, but pretty sure that only relates to women, no?) have been revealed and the verdict is...

Honestly? I'm kind of disappointed. <insert Price is Right loser music here>

Maybe it was over-sell by people claiming that the guys were the hottest yet, but I'm not feeling it. Just two or three of the guys made me interested enough by their pic to click to find out more about them. The rest just got a solid "meh" from me.

And I'm putting this out there now because I'm sure when the show starts and the guys are all shirtless basically 24/7, I'm going to change my tune and be all "Whooaaaa, baby" and "brown chicken brown cow". (Also, if you don't know that song, click on the link now and take a listen. Love it. And love Trace Adkins, who is my own personal kind of taller than tall hot.) Or I'll get to "know" them by hearing them talk and hearing their stories/seeing how they are with Jo Jo and they'll become more attractive that way. That definitely happens and I'm sure it will this time, too. There's a Doctor Who quote about that when Amy is discussing her to-be husband, Rory...

“You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just they turn into something so beautiful...”

So much that. Love when that happens. I'm sure there are quite a few of the guys in the cast that I'm just passing by at first glance and will think are tremendously hot because of who they are (and possibly on account of their abs, too. Yes, I'm shallow. This isn't news.) by the end of the season.

The three guys that stuck out to me the most just from the pics alone are Chase, Luke and Wells.

* Chase - Hot. Just hot. Yowza. And I clicked on his info and "Chronicles of Narnia" is one of his favorite movies. Shut up. Just shut up. Aslan and Mister Tumnus and "Turkish Delight" (It's a candy) and of course, the armoire. I'm still always disappointed when the back of my armoire doesn't lead to Narnia. That needs to happen some day.

* Luke - Okay, my first thought when seeing him was that he's hot but looks like he knows it and is a douche. I clicked on his info fully expecting to see that he was a model or actor. Instead, I see that he's a war veteran. Okay, so I am not the walrus. I'm the douche. Ugh. I guess he could still be a jackass, but he's a vet, so I'm hoping like hell that is not the case.

* Wells - He looks like someone I would have fallen for back in high school, right down to the pins on the jacket. What is up with the pins on the jacket?? But, he's cute in an adorable kind of way.

Haven't read any spoilers about this season, although we all know they're out there and I typically do read up so I know ahead of time. And heck I probably will wind up reading Reality Steve again because I'm addicted to being in the know. But, as of this writing, I don't know squat. Heck, for all I know, all three of these guys were eliminated on the first night, although I hope not!

How a Bryan Adams' Song Brought Me Back in Time

While I was work blogging today, I had the "soft rock" station on. I know. You're all laughing. But it helps me to write having background music and the soft rock channel is the best one because I don't wind up getting up and dancing or singing along like I do when pretty much any other station is on. It's just muzak. Well, until today.

Bryan Adams' "All For Love" from the soundtrack of "The Three Musketeers" movie came on, and I suddenly remembered what that song meant to me in college. For a while, I was obsessed with that song Senior year thanks to (wait for it) a guy. Of course. But, the funny thing is, I had completely forgotten about this guy until I heard this song. For all the thinking about him back in college, and there was far too much at one point, now he means nada to me and I'm slightly embarrassed to say I can't even remember his name.

I'd look him up in the yearbook, but he didn't go to college with me. Instead, I met him through a personal ad. Again, yes, you're all laughing. I am, too. But it was Senior year and I was licking my wounds after dating a buddy hadn't worked out (nothing personal to him at all, but when I kissed him, it felt like I was kissing a relative and that was not sexy in the slightest LOL) so I had figured what the hell, let's see what happens and posted it in the Personals section of the local city paper.

Back then, the Internet didn't exist, so I had to call into a voice mail box to see if I had any messages. And to my surprise, there were quite a few. One memorable one that I think I've mentioned here before was from an artist who was convinced that he and I were fated to be together and left numerous rambling voice messages to that end. Now, looking back, I'm very proud of my then-self for not contacting that guy because that's the kind of shit that then-me would have lapped up. But I didn't.

However, I did contact the guy who was my age and went to a college that was in that nearby big city. He sounded normal, so I left him a return message or called him and we agreed to meet up. A friend and I picked him up at the local train/subway station since there wasn't a direct stop at all to our college and he and I went to go see "The Three Musketeers", so I affiliated that song with him for a while.

We must have hit it off (I do remember thinking that first kiss was definitely NOT like kissing a relative, thank heavens...) because we agreed to hang out again. He came up again and a group of us (including the buddy I had tried dating and his then-girlfriend) went out to the local pub for dinner and drinks. (Side note: Because of this, I realized this was senior year and not junior year, because I wouldn't have been out at a bar drinking junior year.) Then, we came back and were playing some "I never" drinking game up in the suite. I don't remember how this came about, but the guy admitted that he had worked as a gigolo when he was working out of town the previous summer and was seeing the wives of a bunch of politicians. Ooookay. That was a bit much for my little then-virginial self to handle. Yikes.

He did spend the night in the dorm room and no, dear readers, nothing happened other than making out. What I do remember of him the most is that he had a school meeting the next morning so he had to get up early, and because I had no car, one of my good buds was graceful enough to let me use her car to drop him back off at the train/subway station. I seem to remember that he called a few times after that, but ehh, not my cup of tea at all, so I stopped answering his calls and he stopped calling.

Now that I'm thinking of him though, I wish I could remember his name or even just his first name. Hoping that I haven't somehow run into him over the years and have no recollection of it. If so, sorry dude!

Yeesh, all of that memory from one little song.

Public Speaking

As part of my freelancing/owning my own consulting company, I've been attending scores of business-to-business (B2B) networking events. The first one I attended was absolutely nerve wracking as small talk has never exactly been one of my traits, nor going up to strangers and starting a conversation. OMG, this person could hate me and shun me and turn away and mock me wasn't an uncommon (albeit irrational at best) thought before leaving for that first event. 

But, to my surprise, I actually found myself smiling and talking to new people with ease and having conversations with them. Seems bursting way the hell out of my shell by selling sex toys at house parties was exactly what I needed to make networking events seem like a breeze in comparison. Who knew? 

This skill has also helped in interviewing with companies for freelancing gigs because I now go in with the mentality that I'm there to help the person/company instead of fretting about if they'd like me or would hate me on sight and want to flee (thank you, years of being an overly self-conscious person for that perception). What I need to know when I'm meeting with a company these days is if *I* like them and want to work for them. Yes, of course, I'm there to hawk my skills and what I can do for them but at the same time, I'm not nervous, feel confident and am observing and considering if the company is a right fit for ME. So, so important. Trust me on this. I've not listened to my gut instinct in interviews before and should have. 

Today's event was interesting as I met a woman that I hadn't previously met before. She started up a local access TV show to promote successful entrepreneurs who have been in the business for 3 years or more. That doesn't apply to me yet. Key word there -- yet. But she and I got to talking and she told me how she teaches classes at a local business center and how I would be absolutely perfect to teach a class on my specialties (which I won't list here so as to stay far, far away from having this online persona connect in any way with my business life) because I'm so outgoing, bubbly and have a great speaking voice and presence. 

Holy shit. Internally, I was stunned because my first thought (again, thank you to years of growing up without self-confidence) was "Me? Seriously? Are you crazy?! I have nada to teach a class and would just turn beet red and mumble and bore the shit out of everyone." 

But, as we spoke further and my brain decided to shut the hell up, I thought about it and realized she was actually right. I've been hearing more and more from people I meet with at these events and at interviews about my bubbly outgoing demeanor and how easy it is to talk to me. And I know that I have information to give to people just based on what I do and heck, I have presented on the topics before in person to sales teams and others (again, keeping this kind of vague). She was actually the 3rd person recently who has broached the topic of public speaking to me but was the first one who actually mentioned a specific center that might work really well. 

So, when I hear from her about the information (and yes, I've already reached out -- fortune's in the follow-up, kids...), I'll talk to them and see what's possible. It's an exciting idea and these days have been insanely odd but fun/nutty days. More to follow... 

Just Breathe. Inhale. It's All the Same

Since it's April 20th -- aka 4/20 -- aka international (or is it national?) pot day, this seemed appropriate.

Let's start this right off the bat. I've never smoked pot -- or poked smot as said in "It's Complicated". And if y'all haven't seen that movie starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, John Krazinski and Steve Martin, go now. Seriously. Stop reading this post and go watch it. It is awesome. So freaking funny and just human and there's a whole scene about Meryl Streep smoking pot and it is hysterical.

I have nothing against smoking pot. Hell, I see the benefits of using it to relax and also in easing pains, anxiety, etc. I know far too many people who have been/are in pain from various forms of cancer and other issues and pot has helped them immensely, so I think it really needs to be legalized in all the states because the benefits there far outweigh the risks.

For me, it's a control thing. I like being in control of pretty much everything and feel I'd lose that if I ever smoked pot. I could be wrong, and of course that need to be in control probably shows a reason why I *should* try it. But I think about the one time I was having wisdom teeth pulled and they gave me laughing gas as I didn't want to be fully put under. Yeah, in about two minutes of being on the laughing gas, I thought the room was spinning and was convinced that the nurses and everyone else had left and forgotten about me and had left me there to die. Oy. Told the nurse, who not too surprisingly hadn't left the office, and she turned that off on the immediate and I was fine with just an extra shot of novocaine.

But yes I can see the allure. Having dealt with good ol' anxiety much of my life, which ebbs and flows depending on what's going on, something that would ease that shit seems like a good thing. But there's meth for that. Kidding. Seriously. (And to anyone reading this -- if you think I'm using meth when I won't even try pot, I've got a bridge to sell ya. ;) )

I was actually thinking of breathing and inhaling the other day -- but not in a pot way. I was receiving a Reiki treatment for the first time when it suddenly dawned on me that I might not be breathing properly. Seriously? Breathing properly?? Yes, again, anxiety hits -- clear sign there when I'm wondering if people could be critiquing the way I'm breathing during a Reiki treatment of all things. I suddenly became so focused on my breathing and inhales and exhales and wasn't at all focusing on oh, the relaxing I was supposed to be doing. I was much happier when I had to lie on my stomach instead of my back for the second half so my inhales and exhales weren't as evident.

This has happened as well during any massage I've had at a salon. At least during the first one. A couple of years back, I worked near a salon and regularly had massages. During the first one, I remember also wondering how my breathing was but then got out of my own head and was able to actually just let myself go and enjoy the massage and focus on how freaking relaxing it was rather than if I was breathing properly. That wasn't the same recently when I went to a new place for a massage -- It was a level 3 or 4 therapeutic massage and ouuuuch, my shoulders and neck were killing after. Nothing relaxing about it, but I'm realizing that I wasn't focusing on my breathing as I was too focused on the dayum that hurts, stop that now aspect. Needless to say, I realized I like the Level 2 therapeutic massages a lot more and didn't sign up for another one there.

Meditation -- I can inhale and exhale quite normally then, or at least I don't focus on it, probably because I don't have someone else's hands on me then. All I have to do then is listen to Andy's awesome British accent through the Headspace app (check it out if you haven't). Very, very relaxing.

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe in calm. Breathe out the bullshit. If you need pot to do so, do it.

Coffee, Scars & Other Things

I've been watching Hulu's 11.22.63 (and if you haven't, go now and watch it -- amazing, but also read the book because it is quadruple amazing) and I've been very, very, very leery of watching the most recent 3 episodes as one character gets injured and develops a lasting scar. I'm being vague as hell here for anyone who hasn't watched/read and doesn't want to know.

Wasn't sure at all why the thought of seeing it was freaking me out so much, because hell, I'm a Game of Thrones fan and have seen decapitations and worse and been completely fine. And yes, I know it's fiction and no one's really getting injured, but I was still worried about this one stupid scene. 

Thankfully, a good friend is also watching the show and assured me that it really wasn't that bad. So I watched and yes, dear reader, it was completely fine. (Okay, so I watched from behind my fingers -- you know, like when you're watching a horror movie and hold your hand in front of your face to kind of hide what's going on on the screen. Not sure why that works, but it does LOL)

Anyhoo, I was thinking about that this morning while taking a shower and happened to be putting some sugar scrub on my right arm and shoulder and caught a glimpse of a scar I have on my shoulder. Oh, hey, dawning light. Lasting scars. Yup, I know about them. 

My story is nowhere near as awful as the book/movie but it's mine. I was with my family at a family friends' house for dinner one night back when I was 9 or 10. I know it was before 5th grade as we moved away right before 5th grade and it hadn't just happened then. So maybe 3rd grade? We had finished dinner and my parents and their parents were in the kitchen while the kids were playing in the living room. I was wearing a wrap skirt and wanted to be a ballerina at the time, so I came dancing into the kitchen to show off my dance moves and twirls. But, as I made a twirl, my wrap skirt started to come apart. Ack. I twirled the other way to gather the skirt back up and twirled straight into my mom, who was turning from the kitchen stove with a freshly brewed pot of coffee in her hand. I knocked into her arm (not her fault at all -- entirely mine and that damn wrap skirt) and the coffee spilled straight onto my right shoulder. Yup, ouch. 

Thankfully, my memories of after that have faded quite a bit over the years, but I do remember screaming in their bathroom off the kitchen as my mom (who's a nurse) put cold water on the burn to soothe it before we rushed to the ER, and I remember something about being in the hospital and the mention of skin grafts -- although I don't know if I actually needed a skin graft or if it was mentioned that I didn't need one. 

I also remember not wanting to wear a tank top nor a bathing suit without a shirt on top of it for years upon years after because I felt so hideous with this quarter-sized raised red scar on my shoulder. I wouldn't even let my then BFF see the scar three years later after I'd moved to the new town for Dad's new job and I was having a sleepover. I felt like a monster. 

So, yeah, anything that mentions "lasting scar" is apparently a bit of a trigger for me. Oof. Now, all these years later, I only rarely think of the scar. It's faded over time to be the color of the rest of my shoulder -- although it's a bit pink today. It must know I'm thinking about it. ;) It's still there (of course) but I happily have been sporting tank tops for years without giving it a second thought. Time really does heal all wounds.

As for coffee, that smell from that moment turned me off to coffee so much that I never drank coffee until about 4 years ago. I'd never realized until just today that there might have been a reason for that because the smell of the coffee made me think for so long about the scar. I probably would have gone on never drinking coffee except that an old friend knew I loved pumpkin everything and that my office at the time had a Keurig machine, so he sent some pumpkin spice K-cups to me at the office. I couldn't not try them after that so I had one and put a toooon of creamer in it. And I really liked it. That moved on to French Vanilla coffee with loads of french vanilla creamer and milk, and now I'm where I actually prefer it more as a regular coffee with a bit more milk but no sugar whatsoever. Guess that affiliation has also been busted in my head. 

And now, dear reader, I'm taking myself to the lake to sit and read. :) And yes, I'll be wearing a tank top. 

Torn between Two Lovers...

Bachelor Ben's acting like a fool... Telling two bachelorettes you love them is breaking alll the ruuuules...

Yeah, sorry for that earworm, but "The Bachelor" got it in my head, so I share my pain with you all.

Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. What were you thinking? Or really, what were you thinking WITH and I think we all know the question to that. Oh, hey there, "little Ben". Or maybe not so little considering JoJo's statement post-Fantasy Suite that the night prior exceeded her imagination. Hmm, think I'll have to look at Benny Boy in a whole new light. Although I think we saw a bit of that during his waterfall romp with JoJo. Hellloooo, pitched tent in those swim trunks. But, jeez, considering JoJo's bikini top that was hardly holding in the faux girls, I kind of can't blame him.

Poor Caila. Girl got shafted. Umm, pun wasn't intentional there, but I'm leaving it because it's true in both senses. I feel for her having to sit through watching this episode seeing how happy she was blissfully unaware that Ben was telling Lauren and JoJo that he loved them -- while she thought that he was saying he loved her with his eyes and his breath. His breath? Is that a thing? What on earth was in his breath that made her think that? Pheromones aren't secreted via breath, honey. I got shades of Olivia with that statement. Ben is pretty open with his feelings -- and this ep made that all too clear. If he's feeling something he's going to say it. There's no hidden/subtle signs here.

But on a truly shallow (which I've already showed in spades I am), Caila's hair? Holy shit. What does she use because the girl has gorgeous, gorgeous hair. It's most likely genetics but still. Sweetie, I'm sure hair companies will be calling you for ads because you have hair commercial hair. That's a compliment, really. I may have issued a gazillion "Oh, honey"s during Caila's part of the episode, but she's gorgeous and was a true class act when she was let go. Even when she got out of the car to question him -- and thankfully stopped herself from asking if he knew before they had sex -- it was classy through and through. May have also been an audition of sorts for "The Bachelorette", but hey, girl had it spot on with the class. Props.

Next was Lauren. According to sources, the dates actually filmed with Caila first then JoJo and then Lauren with a day in between each... which makes sense for giving little Ben time to recover in between each fantasy suite if he really did sleep with all three women. I've got to admit. This part of this show always skeeves me out. If the Bachelor or Bachelorette really does know who they're going to pick from the beginning, why have sex with all three or even just two just because they can. I get it that people want to sow their wild oats (yes, old phrase - get off my lawn, kids!) but if I was on this show (neveeeeer gonna happen since I'm old and not single), I would not be thrilled being picked knowing that my fiance just slept with two other women. No thank you. Just ick galore.

Sorry, rant there. Back to Lauren. First, what was with her gait? It looked like she'd just ridden a horse (not a euphemism there). One blogger posted that it looks like she was chafed. If so, aaack at the thought of being chafed/irritated right before Fantasy Suite night. I'm just going to let that sink in for a minute because chafing and irritation would not at all lead to sexy time in the fantasy suite. There would be a BJ and that is about it because otherwise, that's just further irritation and there's not enough alcohol in the world to make that not be horrific. Anyhoo, let's just hope that's how she's always walked and it's just never been noticeable before. Ben sure looked happy enough the morning after (and the film crew made sure to show Lauren's dress lying on the floor LOL) so clearly they did get intimate in whatever sense.

It really was adorable when he said that he's known for a while that he's in love with her. It was LESS adorable when he then said "I love you" to JoJo, too. Or actually it was to JoJo first knowing the filming schedule, but whatever.

JoJo's date under the waterfall definitely did look hot. Girl, DO go chase those waterfalls. They're a good location for ya. And her reaction to Ben telling her he loved her, too, was so, so real and surprised. Loved the look on her face as she said "What? Can you actually say that?" She was taken by surprise and it was a really sweet moment. Again, I'm sure that she and Lauren both watched this episode saying wtf to Ben saying it to both of them. And it left me wondering how the chosen girl (no spoilers here) felt watching this episode now that she's engaged to the guy. That's not a spoiler. He admitted it on a morning show Tuesday morning. Ooof. Again, brutal.

Caila's departure was so sad -- and had producer-driven antics all over it. There's no question that they put in her ear that she should go over and surprise him, knowing that he'd told JoJo and Lauren that he loved them and would be sending Caila home. I'm glad that he didn't wait til the rose ceremony to do so, but it still stung for the poor girl. She was so happy coming up to him to surprise him.

And that rose ceremony. Oooof. Two roses, two girls. Easy. But that hug that Ben gave to both of them as it sunk in that both of the girls looked happy and like they were both confident had to be tough as hell. The look on each one's face as the other gave their toast about "fantasy suites" and "love" was awful.

Next week is the Women Tell All, and then the most. dramatic. finale. ever. So much has been made about the phone call that Ben makes from the proposal location, but my guess is he's just calling his parents/mom like he did in the very first episode. No drama there.

Eff, Marry, Kill -- Looking Back

Waiting to hear about a job, and I'm pretty much Veruca Salt when it comes to patience about such things, so that's going well. ;)

So, besides applying to other jobs (also doing that as well), I figured I'd revisit an old Eff, Marry Kill blog post from June of 2014 to see how my thoughts have changed since then if at all. Hilariously enough, it was called "Eff, Chuck, Marry" at the time. Not sure why "Kill" was so bad, but alrighty...

1. Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum, and Zac Efron

• EFF: Ryan Gosling -- He's hot. The abs in "Crazy Stupid Love". Dayum!! Yeah, in a heartbeat. 
• CHUCK: Zac Efron -- Rocking body, but too young. Next. (Still the same.) 
• MARRY: Channing Tatum -- He had the "eff" spot last time, but after seeing him dress up as Elsa and Beyonce in "Lip Sync Battle", he looks like he's hot AND hilarious. So that's a winning combo there. 

Here's where things got difficult and are still difficult.

2. Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Beyonce

• EFF: Katy Perry because she's a total girl crush of mine. 
• CHUCK: Do I have to? :( Okay, fine. Rihanna, but for no real reason. Can I eff her and Katy Perry?
• MARRY: Beyonce, because she is the one, the only, the Queen B. 

3. Guys from One Direction -- Zayn, Niall and Harry
CHUCK: All three of them. Far too young. Not interested. Still true...

Okay, fine. If I have to make a choice -- which kind of defeats the purpose of this game if I didn't.

• EFF: Zayn, because he looks the oldest of them all. 
• CHUCK: Niall 
• MARRY: Harry 

4. Emma Watson, Jennifer Lawrence, and Emma Stone

• EFF: Jennifer Lawrence because she's hot and goofy. Hello, even Jack Nicholson wants to date her. LOL
• CHUCK: Emma Stone, but this was a tough one because she's cute and seems sweet. 
• MARRY: Emma Watson because she's adorable and also grew hotter as she grew up. 

5. Idris Elba, Daniel Craig and Benedict Cumberbatch

• EFF: Idris Elba. No question. None. This is still the case. Hottie beyond belief. 
• CHUCK: Daniel Craig. But I'd feel bad doing so. 
• MARRY: Benedict Cumberbatch. So would. Drooling. When I read "50 Shades of Gray", he is who I pictured as the main character. Yeah, that definitely says a lot right there, although there better be a lot of sex with that marriage. 

6. Kardashians -- Ack! Kourtney, Kim and Khloe

• EFF: Khloe. 
• CHUCK: Kim -- mainly due to Kanye. 
• MARRY: Kourtney. 

7. Anderson Cooper, George Clooney and Jon Stewart

• EFF: Anderson Cooper. The whole silver fox thing works. 
• CHUCK: George Clooney, only because he seems like the usual choice for eff or marry and I'm being different. LOL 
• MARRY: Jon Stewart. He's funny and cute. Great combo. 

8. Kerry Washington, Penelope Cruz and Jennifer Lopez

• EFF: Penelope Cruz. Smokin' body. 
• CHUCK: J Lo - again, this one was difficult because they're all smoking hot. 
• MARRY: Kerry Washington. 

 9. Pharrell, Justin Timberlake and Usher

• EFF: Usher, because yeah, yeah, yeah... (Yup, still true. That song gets to me...) 
• CHUCK: Pharrell. It's okay. He'd still be happy. 
• MARRY: Justin Timberlake. Hmm, I guess this is still true. It's kind of a toss-up between him and Pharrell looking at this one. 

10. Ellen Degeneres, Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling

• EFF: Tina Fey, because humor is hilarious combined with a hot chick. 
• CHUCK: Ellen Degeneres. Cracks me up, but wouldn't. If I was ever with a woman (no plans -- sorry to kill your daydreams, lads!), she'd have longer hair than that. Now Portia, Ellen's wife? Would. 
• MARRY: Mindy Kaling, because she is freaking hysterical.

Imposter Syndrome is Real

Dayum. As I've mentioned, I'm job hunting. And what a process that is.

I had an interview last week where I hit it off with all of the people I met with and could absolutely see myself there. I left there firmly in the belief that I would get an offer -- if not that night, then the following business day. But then, I heard back from the hiring manager that they wanted me to put together 3 documents as part of a writing test.

Yes, yes. I know. Tests are understandable to make sure one actually can do what one proclaims they can do, and lord knows I've hired a few people who prompted me to think actually that I needed to implement a test as part of the hiring process. So I get it. But I do have to admit that it burst my bubble a bit. They LOVED me. I was dubbed "gregarious" by two of them and they actually considered that a good thing -- as opposed to one company that said my "big personality" might be a bit different than what they're used to. (They weren't wrong. When I walked into the office, I thought everyone had the day off because it was so very silent. Not my place to be at all.) Anyhoo, I seriously thought I had this job and it was a no-brainer. And then the request for the writing test came.

I'm not going to say what those documents were that I had to write but they were quite common and two of them were things I'd written before. One wasn't and would be something new I'd be writing, but I consider a job that challenges someone to be a good thing.

The problem is that I couldn't get out of my own way in writing it. Suddenly, "imposter syndrome" (that feeling where you think you're not good enough and everyone is going to find out about it) hit. If you know what I'm talking about, click on that link there -- You'll be glad to find out you're not alone. I sure was, because it's been something that's been in my head since this most recent layoff. Despite that my last two jobs ended due to corporate layoffs (budget-related and in one case 80 other people were let go and in the last one, 10 others were), I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that it WAS me and was personal and that I sucked. Fun headspace to be in, let me tell ya. And sure made starting on this writing test insanely easy.

Oddly, though, seeing that Imposter Syndrome helped me realize it's not just me, and then last night for my Goddess role, I was listening to a personal development webinar of sorts and one of the things that the hostess was saying was that people need to let go of limiting beliefs. Write them down and then burn them and that will help you in making them go away.

I didn't burn them (fire! fire!/ Beavis and Butthead) but instead I wrote them down and then erased them (thank you, makers of erasable pens for that ;) ) and that also helped. Hearing that this insanely successful woman has beliefs that make her think less of herself also helped tremendously. Of course, she also is dealing with her husband having terminal end-stage cancer. Good lord, I welled up when she revealed that. She is dealing with the soon-to-be-loss of her husband and still taking the time to help us succeed.

Yeah, that was the whack over the head I needed to get the fuck out of my own way. I told myself that today was the day I was finishing these come hell or high water. (They're due tomorrow, but I told myself TODAY was the day because I didn't want them hanging over me for another moment.) So, I grabbed my tea (already had coffee), put on the Soft Rock station (dumb move as "I Will Always Love You" came on from The Bodyguard and that also brought the tears flowing again -- apparently with Bowie, this woman's husband -- who hasn't yet died, and Rickman, my emotions are all in a mess. Yowza).

But, dear reader, I did it.

I finished those documents and they're done. I sent them off to the hiring manager and what happens from here is meant to be. I don't know if he'll think they're what he wants and if he doesn't, that's okay. Yes, I'll be bummed, but I'll be okay and I'll find the right job. If he does, and I get the job, that is what's meant to be.

Ben the Bachelor - Episode 2

Wasn't sure if I'd be putting this up as I've done a lot of work writing today, but apparently this also wanted to be written, so I'm getting it out.

Week 2 of Ben the Bachelor. Refer here for my thoughts on the first episode.

The second episode is typically when we start to see personalities, and ohhh, baby, did we EVER start to see personalities. And some of those personalities were supposed to be hidden. Yowza.

First, Ben. Last week, I called him a pup and I'm still sticking with that. He's still so, so, sooo young. However, he was cuter this week and then on the after-show, they had footage of him in a shower. <insert jaw drop here> Wow. Nice. I'm a big fan of showers in general (and I'll wisely leave the rest there to the readers imagination) and Ben in a shower did not disappoint. Okay, it's official. I get it. Funny how in a suit or clothes he's just okay, but show him wet in a shower and I'm drooling. Yeah, that makes sense.

The High School Date: Wow. Just wow. The innuendo was blowing up right along with that volcano, and it was awesome. Sure, producers, make it so the girls have to basically make out by passing an apple to each other with their mouths. I think Ben's volcano probably burst right then and there. ;) I can't say a thing about the geography part because I'm the worst at that. I'd like to think I would have been fine with the volcano and the apple bobbing and possibly the free throws, if our basketball hoop here is any indication. The track, though with the hurdles? Oh, hell, no. I would have tripped over the first one and busted an ankle. Nope, nope, nope. Becca impressed me again with the easy shots she made while she was talking to Ben after. Well played!

Now for the ladies.

Lace: Honey, you're continuing to get the "Oh, honey" with the head shake from me. I feel awful for you having to watch this weeks/months after it was filmed, but yikes. When you say "I'm not crazy", it's pretty much known code for "I'm about to show you just how flipping crazy I am" and that you did. Darlin, you were not even remotely eye-fucking Ben. That was just normal eye contact. Please, please, please get a clue. And stop being pissed that you get interrupted when you're talking to Ben when you're doing the same thing. The look on Ben's face after he gave you the rose pretty much showed that the producers told him he needs to keep you on. Ees noooot okay.

Caila: Such a good sport for that "Ride Along" date with Ice Cube and Kevin Hart. The hot tub would have been hot, if it were not it being in the middle of a store (???) and for also having your buddy Kevin Hart there, too. I doubt highly that he was naked in the hot tub despite the black bar when he got out, but great job reacting to it as if it were so. You're still on my watch list, though, with the whole "broke up with your boyfriend when you saw Ben on TV" back story.

Olivia: You're getting dangerously close to an "Oh, honey..." This is the first date, so you all have been in the house for just a few days. This is not the time to decide you're "winning" (and oh lord, please do not pull a Courtney and start singing "I've got the roooooosssee" next) and that Ben is yours and the whole show should just be over. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. If you don't win a la Courtney, you're being set up to look like the "evil" one and no one wants that. Rein it in.

Amber: You've been on various iterations of this show 3 times now, yes? Chris' season, then Bachelor in Paradise and now Ben's season. You know what the show is about. So, why on earth are you just sitting there whining about how you haven't had any time with Ben and haven't had any chance to talk to him? Get up from that couch and go find him and talk to him. Stop it.

No one else really stood out to me this week. I thought the present of a picture that Ben gave to Lauren B was adorable and very sweet, and showed he was thinking about her -- until he then gave the one who caused the volcano to explode the highest a ribbon and then made barrettes with Amanda for her daughters. We get it, Ben, you're the sweetest, but again it's only the first week. Far too early for these presents.

I already mentioned the after show with the shower scene, but also need to mention Kris Jenner being on it. I grimaced when I saw she was on, but dammit, show! You actually made her seem like a fun person. What the hell?

The Bowie Blues

Anyone who's read this blog and knows of my love for the character of Jareth (and a certain enhanced body part of his -- and thank you to the people that found and viewed that post today...) had to see this blog coming a mile away.

As I scrolled down my FB news feed this morning, the first post I saw was from a dear friend who posted "I can't believe he's gone". Knowing that she's married with three kids -- two of whom are boys -- that was a bit concerning, but I thought to glance over at trending news to see if any celebs had passed overnight. And there it was. David Bowie had died.

I was struck silent (a rarity for me), and quickly read the article, thinking it had to be a car accident or something because he was relatively young at 69. Nope. Cancer. Pardon my French, but fuck cancer. I've known too many people that it's hit -- from my mom having breast cancer twice (she survived, thankfully) to my nana with liver cancer and so many more. It's just brutal and there's no rhyme or reason to it.

With that said, I read through post after post about Bowie's passing -- and adding my own, of course. I held back the tears though as life needed to continue, getting my son ready to school and then driving him to school. After I dropped him off, I turned on my CD player, thinking I still had Bowie's CD in there. I had blared "Life on Mars" and "Heroes" Friday as a confidence-booster before a job interview, which definitely helped. However, I had since changed the CD over to Indigo Girls and I found "Ghost" coming through the speakers. Ha! Well played, coincidence. I sang along with tears running down my cheeks, missing someone I'd never met but who had played quite a large part in my life over the years.

I was first introduced to David Bowie via "Labyrinth" and we already know my feelings on that movie. I was a lonely shy as hell little girl who wanted desperately to be somewhere else, and David Bowie's Goblin land sure seemed like a perfect place. The masquerade ball. Come on. It looked like bliss. Yes, it was a dream/vision, but still -- it looked heavenly. And David Bowie as Jareth became my dream man in the process.

After that, he wasn't really on my radar until college when I met my people and finally felt like I fit in somewhere. Thanks to my radio DJ buds/dorm-mates, I learned about more of David Bowie's music. "Heroes" and "Modern Love" still makes me think of basement parties in college and freedom and fun.

I still remember being at a college bud's graduation party (he'd graduated the year before me) and hanging out in the backyard with some people I knew and friends of theirs that I hadn't previously met. Found myself talking with one of those guys -- an artist-type with long blonde hair who burst into "Ground Control to Major Tom" and I smiled because it was just so quirky and unexpected. It was one of those moments that will always stick with me. That guy... Not so much. He came to a party we had in our suite a few months later. I was pleasantly shocked to see him, but I hadn't yet mastered the whole actually talking to guys I was attracted to thing. Oof. Yeah, I thought that if things were meant to be, the conversation just flowed and didn't need to be worked on. Naive!! Not too surprisingly, he wound up talking to another person that was interested in art like he was and actually talked -- my best friend. Yup, double oof. He asked her out and she came to me because she knew I'd been interested in him. I gave her my blessing (how could I not?) and they went out once and then never again because he wouldn't slow down at on ramps to let other people get on the highway. Looking back at that, I wonder if she stopped seeing him due to our friendship because that seems like an odd reason to end something. But regardless, that song will always make me think of that moment in the backyard at dusk.

Then, I found "Life on Mars" the UK version and was hooked. That started my love for British dramas which then led to "Doctor Who" and "Ashes to Ashes" (the follow up to Life on Mars, which I'm bummed I can't find for US DVDs...)

All of this is to say, thank you, Mr. Bowie, for helping a girl who always thought she was quite weird feel very not so weird over the years and find kinship and growth.

Why Job Hunting is Like Dating

Just finished a week's worth of job hunting and interviewing (the job hunting has been going on since mid-December, but the interviewing has all been this week due to the holidays), and realized just how much job hunting and interviewing is like dating.

Job Hunting

First, you have to find something you're actually interested in. This entails signing up for various online job boards (aka dating sites); looking through job listing after job listing (profiles); and swiping left or right in a sense after reading through the job listing and seeing if it is right for you. Sometimes, you can tell at a glance if it's not, especially if they list the salary they're looking pay. Oh, lord. Can't tell you the amount of times I've thought a job was just up my alley, until I see the salary at the bottom. Yeah, I'm not taking a job for $20-$30K LESS than what I'm used to making. Sorry, Charlie.

If it all actually sounds like something I'd be interested in and would be good at, I "swipe right" by sending in my resume and cover letter, which has been personalized for that company and the listing itself. Then, I sit and wait to see if they'll "swipe left" by not replying at all or sending back the dreaded "We're not interested at this time" mass email. Boo on those, by the way. How do they know they're not interested without even meeting me? Or they also "swipe right" by setting up a time for a phone interview or going straight to an in-person interview.

Interviews

Holy hell, this has seriously been like a ton of first dates one after the other. Here's why:

• I get all dressed up to show them me at my best. 
• I put on my pheromones -- Gives that little extra "You will love me because I'm awesome and you'll find yourself attracted to me (in a totally job-friendly, not dating, way)". If you don't have any pheromones and you're job hunting or dating, contact me, by the way. ;) 
• I meet each person and wonder if I could see myself actually working with them on a daily basis, while they're thinking the same thing
• We're both looking to see if it's a good fit

Of course, there's also apparently a new thing I didn't know about before now. I was asked on a phone interview to participate in a group interview. Okay, at first that sounded like I'd be meeting with a group of people from the company at one time. Sure. NO. It's not that. This is me and a bunch of other candidates for the same job meeting with two to three people from the company all at the same time. 

Umm, yikes. I've seen this before on "The Bachelor" and that doesn't go well. No group dates. Just no. Job Hunting: The Hunger Games doesn't sound appealing. Needless to say, I passed on that one. The job didn't seem like a good fit after the phone interview anyway. 

Ghosting

Oh, ghosting. I am so glad this was not around (or if it was, I didn't know about it) back when I was dating. You meet someone; you date them either once or a few times; and then poof, they're gone. Now if they actually died, that's a whole different thing. Can't fault them for that. But this is when one day they're in contact with you and you think things are fine, and then the next day, blammo, zero contact from then on, leaving you to wonder what the eff just happened. 

Has this happened to me in job hunting? Unfortunately yes. I don't recommend it. ;) I was contacted by a company about 6 months ago (yes, I was job hunting then, too -- thanks, company layoffs...) because they were interested in me from my LinkedIn profile. I had a phone interview with the recruiter. Went great. Had a phone interview with someone who I thought would be the hiring manager but wasn't (still figuring that one out) and that went great. Had an in-person interview and met with 5 different people that day. Went great. They asked me back for a second in-person to meet with 3 other people and the hiring manager and recruiter again. Fine by me. That all went great, minus with one guy who I'd be working with who had just started there. He asked some odd questions that threw me. I sent the usual follow-up thank you emails, and nada. Absolute zippo for communication after that. Still not sure what happened there. In a karmic twist, that job is now open again (not applying for it at all) and the job of the guy who had just started there is also open again. Wow. Probably for the best that they ghosted me, but here's my advice. Do not ghost people. Not interested? Tell them. Be honest. Be transparent. Be open. 

The Upside of Mercury in Retrograde

Two posts in one day. What the hell? But I had to post this one, after being inspired by something that just happened.

We've all heard of the dread Mercury in Retrograde, right? Hell breaks loose, computers and all electronics stop working, etc etc... Yeah, there's another side of that, kids, and I'm here to make you see that along with some very entertaining moments that have happened in the past two days thanks to Mercury in Retrograde.

Yes, communication can go wonky. But there's a side of this time that no one really talks about. This is the time when you get a second chance and who the fuck doesn't want that, right? Have you lost touch with someone? They'll come back during this time if they're supposed to. Trust me...

Want proof? You've got it.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting in the car waiting to head inside for a job interview so I was checking FB as one does. I saw a notification of a friend request, which can always be good or gaaah. This one was REALLY good. It was from a high school friend that I'd lost touch with about a year ago. She's someone who made high school not so horrible for me -- I hated high school and was a self-conscious mess. But she complimented my outfit one day and she was seriously a fashion icon to me and it made my day then. Seriously, it was a bright spot in a crappy time and clearly stuck with me all these years. So I was glad to get back in touch on FB a few years back. We were buds sharing posts with each other and our lives, and then we just fell out of touch and unfriended for a while. I'd reached out to her a few weeks ago to share a funny video because I was thinking of her. But I couldn't pull the trigger on sending a friend request because I didn't want to risk having it rejected. And then she re-friend requested me yesterday -- on the morning of Mercury in Retrograde -- and I'm just so freaking grateful to have her back in my life.

More proof? Yesterday afternoon, I got an email from the VP of a company who was interested in talking to me about a resume I'd sent in. His name rang a bell, but I couldn't place it so I checked the name in gmail. Sure enough, I had talked to him back years ago about a Director position at his company (have to love the longevity that he's still there), but that was not at all the right fit for me then. Not even remotely. But now... Now just might be the right time for me to have a second chance (the right chance) at that company. I don't know, but it's good to have that possibility.

And one more. There's another company -- and specifically a person there -- that I've talked to over the years about working there or freelancing there. But the timing has just never been right. I was actually thinking about the person I was talking to there this morning, but haven't checked out his LinkedIn profile to see if he's even still with the company. Yeaaah... I just went to LinkedIn to see if I was connected with a friend who wanted to talk to me about contracting (we are indeed connected) and saw a new activity on my profile. I clicked and literally laughed out loud when I saw that it was that guy from that company checking out my profile.

Okay, Mercury in Retrograde, that'll do... Who else is rising from the ashes?

Ben the Bachelor

Here we are, folks. It's another season of "The Bachelor" and I'm sure this year will be the most dramatic season ever as the bachelor follows his journey to find love while being a kissing bandit. Listen, as long as the words "Ees okay" are not issued by my least-favorite bachelor ever, Juan Pablo, it's all good.

Ben, Ben, Ben. So young. So, so, soooo young. Yikes. 26. He's still a pup! And I don't know about you all, but to me, he just has way too much of that clean-cut look to him. I'm reminded of a dark-haired Richie Cunningham... and that's not a good thing. I dated a red-haired Richie Cunningham the summer after college and he was a sweetheart, but just no. Too earnest, too quiet, too much about how everything looked (aka his family went out on their boat not to enjoy being on the boat, but to be "seen" and the sole destination was a bar where they could also be seen). Again, no. So, Ben isn't starting off on the "hottest bachelor ever" path for me. That could change, but that title remains with Sean Lowe. Tall, hot, hunky. And hey, totally fine with the self-professed re-virginization bit -- mainly because of his abs. I'm shallow. I'm aware.

Let's talk about some of the bachelorettes, shall we? And I'm not giving a single spoiler here, don't worry. Yes, I've read good ol' Reality Steve and yes, I know how the season plays out, but I'm not saying a word. You want to find out -- you can go read.

* Lace. Oh, Lace, Lace, Lace. Hot. Loved the dress (of course it was lace!). She clearly caught our dear sweet Ben's eye, but then she turned into a raving psycho being pissed that someone stole Ben away from her while they were talking (has she not seen the show??) and then that Ben "didn't look at her once". Ay yi yi. Give the boy a break. He had to remember all of your names. I'm pretty sure he didn't look at any of you. I'm sure they'll be focusing on her a bit because of her antics.

* Becca. Hot. With a capital H. Smoking hot. I still don't understand how Chris Soules didn't pick her and went with Whitney instead. (And yes, we see how well that turned out...). Glad Ben called her name to give her a rose. Her hair is awesome. Her bod is awesome. She seems to be a sweetheart. And yes, she's a virgin, but so weren't we all until that first partner. Big deal. Any guy with sense in his head wouldn't be daunted by that.

* Lauren B. Loved her dress. Light/periwinkle blue is a fave of mine (heck, I'm wearing a sweater in that shade right now), so that caught my eye. First out of the limo and she walked over to Ben with a glass of champagne (is he of legal age to drink? Kidding. Kind of...) as he entered the room, which takes chutzpah, so I'm impressed. She looks like she might be a bit too giggly, but that's based entirely on her hair color and I get that's one hell of a stereotype.

* Mandi (she of the wearing a gigantic rose on her head). Oh, honey... Whatever producer talked you into that, I sure hope you stopped listening to them, because no. You do get props for getting a kiss from Baby Boy Ben after you examined his teeth and gums (ack!), but noooo. And honestly, I actually can't remember if she went home that first night or if he kept her, so that shows how memorable she was minus the rose and makeout session.

* Caila. She caught my eye since she's from Boston. But let me get this straight. She was dating someone and saw Ben ON TV and decided that her relationship wasn't working out because she was attracted to someone she had never met and saw on TV. Huh. Okay. So I guess every relationship/marriage ever is doooomed because hell, I always find people attractive on TV. That's kind of why they're on TV. Loon.

* The Twins. Nope. Sorry. Not discussing them, except to say that I look forward to seeing them on the next season of "Bachelor in Paradise" since I'm sure they will be on there.