Bring It On, 2015

First, why can't I type 2015 without instead typing 2915? That's going to be awesome...

Wishing you all a rollicking New Year's Eve and 2015 (or 2915) that includes good vibrations of all sorts, peace, love and understanding.

See you all in 2015!

Play-Doh: My First Dildo

Wow. Just wow.

So, Play-Doh has a Cake Mountain set, which includes a frosting extruder. Okay, all fine, except that the clear frosting extruder happens to look like a penis -- or as the article lists it, a "veiny donk". And about there is where I burst into hysterics because I've never heard the term "donk" used for a penis before.

Parents are of course in an uproar because their wee precious lambs are playing with what closely resembles plastic dildos. Oy, people, please unclench a bit. If your kids know what a dildo looks like, I'm going to take a wild guess they're not playing with Play-Doh.

And this faux dildo spurts out "frosting"? Pardon me while my inner 12-year old loves the evilness that created this product.

Now excuse me -- I need to run out to Target to see if they have any more of these in stock. I already have party guests create penises out of Play-Doh at my sex toy parties. Now they'll have a mold!

My Latest "Freebie" List

As it should, the "freebie" list changes over time. And mine definitely has. Here's the latest one:

1. Alexander Skaarsgard -- The height. Those arms. That ass. The ability to look like a Norse god while sitting out in the snow buck naked, and the confidence to know he's damn fine and to go full-frontal on screen while doing so. Oh, yes, he gets the first spot.
2. Kevin Nash back when he started out in WCW as Diesel. Again, the height, those muscles, and the knowledge that he could easily protect me from anything. Yup, yup, yup.
3. Michael Landon -- I get it. This one's a bit random. But work with me here. Pa from "Little House on the Prarie" was hot. And even when he played an angel in "Highway to Heaven", he still had that highly do-able quality.
4. Bruce Willis -- Specifically in "Die Hard". Hot and lean and powerful. Yippee-ki-yay mother fucker, indeed.
5. David Bowie as the Goblin King in "Labyrinth". Yeah, that probably shows a whole slew of S&M interests there, but he was hooooot. And hell, I wrote a whole blog post previously about that bulge.

Okay, who's on your list?

Ball Shrinkage

Okay, we've all heard about shrinkage -- and if you're a woman and didn't know that penises shrink in the cold, you knew after that Seinfeld episode, am I right?

Well, I just learned today that balls also shrink in the cold. What?? How is that even possible? I was shocked when I heard that.

Seriously, not a clue how you guys walk around with those things.

Resolutions for 2015

It's nearing the end of the year, which of course means it's New Year's resolutions time, right?

But what if you're not a big fan of resolutions -- mainly because you tend to make resolutions and then let them kind of fall away by the wayside... Not that I've ever done that, no. Okay, fine. I most certainly have. I make a great coach because keeping other people motivated in their resolutions is as easy as breathing for me. I want other people to succeed and stick with them to make it so.

Myself? Hmm, I kind of think that would be a whole other blog suitable for a therapist's reading if I delved into how I falter on my own resolutions and don't focus on making my own success/happiness  happen. 😁

So, instead of opening that can of worms, let's focus on two resolutions I know I can and will make happen:
1. Drink more water. I know I don't drink nearly enough which leads to feeling mildly dehydrated and that equals bad. So water. And the right amounts of it.
2. Finally finish writing that book. A few things have happened in the past couple of weeks that brought the book to the forefront again, and now it is really time to make it happen. So I will.

So, what's your resolution? I want to know.

Eff, Marry, Kill -- The I Can't Even Edition

Anyone who's read this blog knows I love the "Fuck, Marry, Kill" game and this latest one from Buzzfeed is no exception.

I was merrily going down (the list, pervs) when I got to the part of "Bloodsucking guys who look great in tank tops" -- consists of Marcel from "The Originals", Damon Salvatore from "Vampire Diaries" and Mr. Eric Northman from "True Blood".

Now, Mr. Eric Northman (and the actor who plays him -- Alexander Skarsgard) has always been the primo #1 on my celeb freebie list. Come on.... Look at him. He's tall; built and just hooot. He's sex on a stick. He's also blonde, which has never been my thing, but for him? Dayum. Just dayum.

So, he's an easy one for the Fuck or Marry choice. No question. Hell, both. Fuck him and marry him. But Marcel and Damon? I also want both of them. Can I just fuck or marry or both all of them?

I don't want to kill any of these guys. That would be a travesty to hotness everywhere. I won't. Not gonna do it. Just no.

So, these three boys get their own game -- Fuck, Fuck or Fuck. Everyone wins.

15 Facts about Boners

Caught this article, 15 Hard Facts about Boners, on Buzzfeed today. And damn, boys, how the hell do you walk around with those things?!

11 erections in a day are common? Good luck having that not noticed in a work meeting!

Smoking can cause an erection to be smaller than it normally would? Hmm, if that's not a reason for any guy to give up smoking, I don't know what will.

Fascinating reading here, peeps.

Red Peters: Ballsy Songs to Delight Your Inner 12-Year Old

Was typing the phrase "the whole family" today when an old Red Peters song came into my head. It's called "How's Your Whole... Family?". I was introduced to these songs back in the mid-90s -- pretty sure it was through the Howard Stern show. Anyhoo, all of the lyrics are blatant innuendos, due to space placement when singing, such as a line in the song of "Won't you do my as... trological chart?" And "Suck on a stiff cock... tail with me".

Yes, his music so appeals to my inner 12-year old. Very, very much so.

Come on. The guy wrote "The Ballad of a Dog Named Stains" just so he could build up to singing "Come Stains". (Think about it for a second if you have to... All set there, Sparky?)

Good stuff. If you haven't checked it out or ever heard of him before --- and you don't mind truly bawdy lyrics, take a listen. :)

People be Crazy & Amazingly Forward

I'm about to date myself a bit here, but the last time I was dating (been married for a while now) the Internet was only just taking off and I seem to remember that cell phones were just used for calls then. No texting nor FB messaging nor camera phones.

No, I didn't date in the 50s, but sometimes I feel like I really did when I hear tales from friends of what's going on out there in this strange new world of dating or hooking up.

A friend (young guy in his late 20s) has been regaling a group of us (we all think of each other as family -- he's like our younger brother) with the tales of the crazy women he has encountered. What he said today however took the cake. I was speechless for a few minutes -- which is a rarity!

He said that girls he doesn't even know/has never met nor spoken to before message him asking him for sex. What?? I'm sorry. What?? This is a thing? Wtf, kids?

One girl messaged him for the first time ever complimenting his eyes in his profile pic and said that he better get over there before she dries up. Holy shit. I would have never, ever sent something like that to someone -- let alone someone I've never spoken to before.

The scariest thing is that this a pretty common occurrence, which means many girls are doing the same thing. Since this is something that's happening often, it makes me think girls are doing so because it has actually worked on other guys in the past. Ack.

I'm just baffled. And horrified for both genders, because I've of course seen the Tinder posts on Buzzfeed where a guy asks a woman for sex in his first contact with her or sends a dick pic to her without her request. So yes, it's both genders that are being just insanely rude.

What the ever-loving fuck, people? Find some class. Maybe these antics will get you a one-night stand, but I can't imagine it will ever lead to a lasting relationship. Wise up (and wow -- I'm sounding ancient here. Is "Get off my lawn" next??).

But kids, find some self-confidence and stop hitting full-throttle on anyone you come across. Not cool.

Trickedoo for Sons of Anarchy Fans

Seriously? People are crazed to find out how "Sons of Anarchy" is going to end as a series and ideas are swirling.

Well, not for everyone. The creators of the show put biiiig tidbits about the series finale into a book, which was then released a bit earlier than planned. Namely, before the series finale aired.

Holy fuck. That's quite a mistake. The show's creator, Kurt Sutter, has said that heads will roll over the incompetence, but he also takes responsibility since the book and the information in it was his idea. Gotta appreciate that.

Now, I've never seen the show -- screenshots of Charlie Hunnam's ass notwithstanding -- so I don't care if I learn about the series finale spoiler details or not. But for those who have watched the show for years... Maybe stay offline til the finale airs. Because that's doable, right?

Sexy Mother Pucker

Okay, you got me, Sephora. Sending me your latest email advertisement and putting Sexy Mother Pucker XL Extreme-Plump Collagen Lip Shine right in the middle of it did indeed catch my eye.

One, because I'm a 12 year old boy at heart and Sexy Mother Pucker is funny.

Two, because we all know that when guys think of big plump lips, they think of blow jobs -- and well, that's always fun and hot.

Well played, Sephora. Although telling me it should be a gift for my "superb sister" might not be the case. I'm thinking I want that for me.

Yoo hoo, Santa baby...

A Leap of Fun

Part of my sex toy biz is hosting parties to demo the products -- no, not porn. I'm not demo'ing them on myself nor others, despite what some may think. I just hold up the products, turn on the products that are turn-on'able and show them off.

Anyhoo, some of these parties are FB events. And for those I record videos in advance so I'm not pulling out the toys and talking about them while my son is in the house. Wee bit illegal that.

Well, for a party tonight, I dug out a bullet from my bag that has a wired control to it. I had heard rave, rave, rave reviews about this product but hadn't tried it nor ever turned it on. So on the video, I turned on the bullet and it is so powerful that it literally leapt out of my hand. Holy shit. That is power right there.

Yeaaah, I'll be raving about that product at parties now. Yowza. And it absolutely scored on the nose test -- where you see how a vibrator would feel on your clit or on your partner's shaft by placing it against the tip of your nose. Total wow factor.

A 15-Minute Orgasm from Marijuana

Despite having this blog, I am pretty straight-laced. Have never even smoked a cigarette, let alone marijuana -- yes, y'all can start singing "Look At Me. I'm Sandra Dee" now. Go ahead.

But with that said, my buddy Ginger directed me to an article today about a lubricant made from marijuana, which has been shown to cause a 15-minute long continuous orgasm. Hmm. Mmmm. Sorry -- was in daydream mode for a second there.

It's funny because when I think of someone taking marijuana -- and this is based entirely on movies -- I think of laid-back lackadaisical people who are in rush to do anything. And y'all have heard of (or experienced) alcohol dick, right? Aka the inability to get it up when one is plastered? Yeah, I kind of just assumed it was the same thing when one takes marijuana.

But, based on this article, maybe I'm wrong. Not that I'm going to take up smoking marijuana, but this marijuana lubricant sounds all kinds of interesting. Sadly, it's only currently available to medical marijuana patients in California. Make that accessible nation-wide now. Please.

Sex Ed and Sex Toys 101

I recently became an Athena's Goddess. Part of that involves training -- the first part is on business basics and the second is on product info, which involves quite a bit of sex ed. And wow, pretty sure I could teach a sex ed class now. Informative stuff here, kids.

But first, two very important pieces of wisdom I want to impart to you re: sex toys:

• Using a waterproof toy in the shower/bath? Make sure you turn the toy on and off when you are outside of the water. Doing that forms a seal in the toy so water won't get in and ruin the battery and the toy itself. No one wants that, right? 
• Along the same lines about batteries -- if you have a sex toy that contains batteries in your house right now (and you should ;) ), take the batteries out of that mofo right now. Seriously, right now. The batteries last much longer when they're not kept inside the toy all the time and you don't run the risk of the battery going bad and leaking battery acid. I'll give you a second to recover from that mental image of going to use a toy and getting battery acid on your genitals or your partner's. Ack. Remove those batteries now.

Interestingly, the most common thing I've heard when people know I work for Athena's is that Athena's toys are only for "lonely women" and that "women in relationships don't need sex toys". To that I say "Oh, honey..."

Sure, these sex toys can and are being used by women not in relationships, but it is so, so, so hot to use the toys with your partner. Boys, just think about your girlfriend or wife putting a vibrator against your shaft while she's giving you a blow job. Your shaft has 20 nerve endings (while a clitoris has 6,000 -- dayum), but every single one of them will be hit with a combo of a vibrator against the shaft while your significant other's lips, tongue and hand works as well. Bam. 

We also sell "Good Head" mints in both mint (cool) and cinnamon (warm). Buy both and try them out right after the other for one hell of a blow job combination. Your senses won't know what hit them. Although you might hit the ceiling -- in a good way. 

And boys, don't feel insecure by the vibrators. They're not going to replace you -- hold one against your significant other's clitoris while you're thrusting, or hold her against her nipples while you're going down on her. Trust me, she'll thank you. 

RI Comic Con: Disorganized Chaos, but Fun

Attended my first ever Comic Con yesterday -- Rhode Island Comic Con 2014. Originally, we were going to go both days and stay overnight at a nearby hotel Saturday night, so we bought Weekend Passes (not to be confused with "Freebie" marriage hall passes).

But we thought about it and cancelled the hotel reservation and planned to go just one day and that was quite enough for us. We didn't plan to attend any of the talks/sessions. Just wanted to see the celebs; get my picture taken with the 6th Doctor, Colin Baker; pick up some wrestling figures (our son's interest) and meet some wrestling celebs (again, son's request). Figured that could all fit into a day, if not a few hours.

Arrived at the Convention Center around 11:30 or so. The road that the Con was on -- Sabin Street -- was jam-packed with cars, so we parked in a nearby parking lot for local restaurants, which don't open until dinner, so that worked out quite well. Walked up a flight of stairs, down the street and poor, we were at the Convention Center. That turned out to be a very wise choice considering people were complaining later about parking at the Convention Center. We did get a bit soaked walking back to our car after, but we easily got out, so fine by me. And it was $13 for 3 hours -- a pittance compared to what it could have been.

We saw a huge line of people waiting to get in, but thought they hadn't bought tickets, so I walked straight up to the door -- and was told there was a line and to go to the end of it. Went to walk to the line around the corner when a worker came out and said that if anyone had Weekend Passes, they could enter. Sweet! So, we walked right in.

Waited in a very small line for Weekend Pass holders, and then handed our tickets to the workers there. Shockingly, they didn't scan them nor even look at them. They just took the tickets and tossed them into a trash bag and then put a paper bracelet on our wrists. Ookay.

Security consisted of making sure we had bracelets on -- no bag check. And then joining the masses going up the escalator. Once we got upstairs, there was one big cluster of people all heading towards the main convention rooms, so we followed the crowd. I'm not a big fan of crowds at all, so these crowds really tested my patience but I dealt with it. Was shocked that our son was completely fine with it -- I guess he had his mind set on getting more wrestling figures and meeting wrestlers, and nothing was getting past that. Impressive kid.

Once in the convention room, it was a mad house. Holy shit. The most people I've seen in one place in a long time and everyone was trying to get into all directions at the same time all at once. Yikes. My son's laser focus saw some wrestling figures, so we made our way over there. But he had those figures. So we walked on some more. We found an AJ Lee figure that he didn't have and purchased that and then found a John Cena figure.

As I had to head to my photo op with Colin Baker, we thought we would first locate the wrestlers. First spotted was Rob Van Dam and my son and husband had their picture taken with him after waiting behind just one person. As we turned around in the crowd, we saw Mick Foley sitting at his table with no one in front of him at that moment. So I walked up with my son and said hi and asked if we could take a picture. He said sure, but that there was a line. Oops. I had missed that part -- by walking up to the table, I had just cut off about 50 people waiting in line. Only me. Ha! We walked to the end of the line, and they got in line and I headed off to the photo op.

The photo op was on the upper level, so I took two escalators up -- one larger and then a mini one. The larger one was a debacle. Each time I was on it, the people just stopped completely short after stepping off the escalator, causing us all to smush up against each other. And the second time, there was a Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn in front of me and a girl and her mother in front of them. Just as we got to the top, I glanced down and saw that the girl's shoelace had come undone. (Anyone else just have a horror movie moment go through their head?) Somehow, and I still have no idea how, that dangling shoelace did not get caught in the escalator. Amazing because that was so dangerous.

Once upstairs, I saw a couple of lines, but no signs (par for the course here). After looking around, I spotted a guy dressed like the 6th Doctor at the end of a line. I went up to him and asked if by chance he was in the Colin Baker photo op line. He said he was and that it was just one big line for all of the 4 photo ops around that time. Yup, disorganized. So I waited behind him and took a selfie with the dude and listened to a band play "Star Wars" songs, while the guitarist kept walking over and smiling at me. Lesson learned: If you're a female and are reasonably cute and smile at the guys at Comic Con, you're a hot commodity.

Side note: I truly am a people person. I smile and talk to people and am interested in everyone I talk to, and to some, that comes across as flirting. It's not. And of course, it's something I learned after I got married. Murphy's Law. :)

Back to the photo op. Completely crazy mob scene. At one point, the one line became three lines that interconnected. They called Colin Baker's name for photos and I followed my 6th Doctor line buddy into the meeting room section. There was just one person ahead of us for the photo op and it was over quicker than anything else I've ever encountered. I stopped at the entrance to the room; the volunteer checked my ticket (e-ticket); and then I walked up to a line on the floor; saw my line buddy get his pic taken; walked up to Colin Baker; he shook my hand, said it was nice to meet such a young lady; put his arm around my shoulder; they snapped the pic; and I was walking out of the room. My very fleeting brush with fame. :) Then, I heard the pics would be ready in about 35 min on a table around the corner. Okay.

Called my husband to see where they were. In about 15 minutes, the line they were in to meet Mick Foley hadn't moved an inch, so they gave up and just walked around. I met up with them and we bought another wrestling figure and eyeballed the various celebs as we walked by, but couldn't really stop even if we wanted to as it was wall-to-wall people again going in all directions at once.

We decided after a while to head back upstairs to pick up my photo and then skedaddle. I went back into the meeting room area (and chatted with my line buddy who I found waiting for pics as well) about how disorganized this all was and how Boston Comic Con was better. Noted. The pics that were supposed to be done in 35 minutes instead took an hour. Eep. But I chatted with two other people while waiting -- one who needed to grab a train at 3 and hoped her pic would be ready by then, and one who was telling me about how Temple Con was much better and that I should check that one out. I couldn't tell if this person was flirting with me or not. It seemed that way, but I could be wrong.

Once I got my pic, I re-met up with my husband and son and we left, noticing that people were still lined up outside and that no one was being let in. I thought that was weird, and later found out that the show had been over sold and they weren't allowing people in due to capacity requirements. Understandable, because it was crazy enough as it was -- if a fire had broken out, we all would have been dead because there's no way anyone would have been able to move.

Did I have fun? Yes. Would I attend another one? Probably not unless it was organized a lot better.

Is Dating More of a Trick than a Treat?

In a conversation with friends the other day, I was reminded of a previous blog post of mine -- Do People Still Date?. The friends and I are all married and have been for a while. We were chatting about what we'd do if our marriages ended/our spouses died (not that we are planning on any of that -- no murders in the works :) ). In a unanimous decision, we all agreed that the last thing we'd ever want to do is date again.

Why, you might ask? Because we see all around us that people just don't date these days, and the thought of that is just horrifying -- and hell, far too much work. I've seen what the single life is like for my friends and it ain't pretty.

I still don't get it, though. What happened to dating? When the guy and girl met up for dinner at an actual restaurant or went bowling or went out to go see a movie? Now, it seems to be just a bunch of Tinder hook-ups; Plenty of Fish (or Plenty of Fucks, as friends call it as it seems that is all people on there are looking for) and dick pics.

Boys, I've got to tell you. Stop sending dick pics to women unless they specifically ask for them. By sending them just because you feel like it, you're cheapening the woman and her worth to you even without realizing it. And no woman wants to feel that way. Caveat: If you're involved in a long distance relationship, hey -- send as many pics as you want. That goes for both genders. But if you're not, keep some mystery.

Back to the original topic -- It seems like the dating scene is non-existent. Am I wrong? Tell me if I am. I'd love to be proven wrong. Heck, my friends and I have decided we are not dating when our spouses pass ( or god forbid, we get divorced), but that doesn't mean we are going to be looking for cabana boys nor sex buddies. No, no, no. As the meme says, ain't nobody got time for that.

Now, if actual dating did exist, we would probably change our minds. But dating in these times? Not a chance in hell. I'm so freaking glad my dating days were before right now because what I see out there is a mess.

Benedict Cumberbatch: Sex God

Holy shit.

I knew that there was a reason why I pictured Benedict Cumberbatch as Christian Grey when I read "Fifty Shades of Grey", besides that he is just freaking sex on a stick hot.

Just read this article, where he describes what Sherlock would be like if he ever had sex. And dayum. Just dayum,

I believe it was the part where he talked about how he'd know just exactly where to put his fingers and his tongue, and to think about what violinists could do with their fingers.

I reiterate -- holy shit. Way to be even hotter, Mister Cumberbatch.

Old Time Sex Toys are Scary

Caught this article on 19 terrifying vintage sex toys on Buzzfeed, and holy hell, is that title ever accurate!!

#7 looks like an old-school pencil sharpener!

And #17 looks like a hair dryer diffuser.

Not okay. Not at all. Pardon me while I'm over here thanking the creators of sex toys for updating their products over the years. Because all of these are so, so wrong.

Also, there is a vintage vibrator museum. That is all.

Fruit-Scented Jeans?

So, this is seriously a thing. A company has created a line of jeans that are fruit-scented. The color of the jeans highlights the scent:

• Pink -- strawberry
• Orange -- orange (yes, shocking. I know)
• Yellow -- lemon
• Green -- apple (I would have thought lime)
• Blue -- blueberries 

Perfumed micro capsules embedded in the fabric cause the scent to stay strong for 20 washes. Wow.

I can see a few upsides -- You wouldn't have to wear perfume; you could change into these jeans after a workout without showering. 

However, I also see one big downside. A friend who is an adult toy party rep mentioned that she would pass on these because the chemicals (the microcapsules) could lead to irritation, especially if one is going commando.

<insert look of horror here>

No, no, no, nooooo to vaginal or labial irritation. Yeah, anything that could cause that gets one hell of a pass from me. No thanks, scented pants.

Men Only Need Grilled Cheese and Sex?

The latest issue of "Cosmopolitan" magazine arrived today and it features a quote from Emmy Rossum on the cover, which says, "Men only need two things -- grilled cheese and sex".

Now, I don't know about you, but I laughed my ass off when I saw that. Why??

Back in 2009, a relationship advice columnist for Boston.com was answering a reader's letter, in which the guy complained that his partner refuses to give blow jobs. But, since the advice columnist wanted to keep things semi-PG, she changed any references to blow jobs in the letter and response to "grilled cheese". And thus, the grilled cheese as a euphemism for sex was created and became widely known.

However, I guess it didn't get to Emmy Rossum. Unless she's saying that guys only need blow jobs and sex, with the two differentiated famously by President Clinton, who seems to think that blow jobs aren't sex.

Anyhow, male readers -- tell me, could you live with just grilled cheese (either the sandwich or a blow job) and sex?

I Popped My Rocky Horror Picture Show Cherry... Again

If anyone had asked me before last night if I've seen "Rocky Horror Picture Show", I would have said yes. And I would have thought I was telling the truth. Turns out I wasn't.

I have distinct memories of being home on a break from my Freshman year of college. Some friends had gone to a Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, so I rented it from Blockbuster. (RIP) I came back to my parents' house, settled down in a recliner in the living room and turned on the movie. And I thought I watched the whole thing. I can do the Time Warp with the best of them, and just assumed I had.

Reader, I did not.

But I didn't realize that until I watched (thinking I was re-watching) it last night, after buying the DVD a few years back. I had seen the Brad and Janet part; the light over at the Frankenstein place; the Time Warp; and the sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania. But that was it. All of the rest of the movie was new to me. What the heck?

I thought I'd seen "Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me". Well, I had. When it was covered on the RHPS episode of "Glee". Oy.

Let me take you back to freshman year of college me. Oh, that me. She was soo naive and so innocent. And would have been horrified at watching a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania cavorting about the TV screen in her parents' living room, which they could walk on in. The horror. All I can guess is that I turned it off after that screen and somehow made myself think in the mumble mumble number of years that followed til now that I'd watched the whole thing.

I had not. Until last night. Thankfully, the now me loooooved the movie. I have a mad crush on Tim Curry as Frank n Furter (that man rocks a bodice and garter belt. Dayum) and love how just fierce he seemed in that role. He was rocking it and he knew it and I adore that.

Did I know til last night that Brad and Frank n Furter had sex? (Decades old spoiler alert). I did not. I also thought Janet had sex just with Rocky. Had no idea she also had sex with Frank n Furter (lucky girl, that Janet).

In a sense, I'm glad I didn't actually see the whole movie til last night as that me back then would not have appreciated it. Okay, she might have learned a few things earlier, but this me was the right version of me to see the movie in it's entirety.

The Latest Eff, Marry, Kill Game

So, I was browsing Buzzfeed today and stumbled across their latest Eff, Marry, Kill Game. Never one to pass those up, I jotted down the names to give my answers here.

If you've somehow never played before, I list 3 names and then have to decide who I would eff (aka fuck); who I would marry; and who I would kill out of the three. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's hella-hard. And in the case of one of these (the ideas were submitted by people on the site), it's just ridiculous.

Let's play! Play along at home and let me know your answers below.

Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Kristen Wiig

Eff: Amy Poehler --  she looks like she's up for anything
Marry: Tina Fey -- girlfriend coined "bitch is the new black"
Kill: Kristen Wiig -- for her "Penelope" character on Saturday Night Live

Harry Potter, Edward Cullen, Christian Grey

Eff: Christian Grey --  hellooo, it's Christian Grey of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and you know that he knows what he is doing
Marry: Harry Potter -- he does spells and that seems lucrative
Kill: Edward Cullen -- doesn't do a thing for me. Vampires should not be sparkly

Monica, Rachel and Phoebe (from "Friends")

Eff: Rachel -- she is the hottest
Marry: Monica --girl can cook
Kill: Phoebe -- sorry, hon. One of you had to go

Chris Pratt, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth

Eff: Chris Hemsworth -- Abs for days
Marry: Chris Evans -- So the guy you bring home to Mom
Kill: Chris Pratt because he was horrid when he hosted the first episode of Saturday Night Live this year

Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett, Sarah Paulson

Eff: Angela Bassett -- She had moves in "How Stella Got Her Groove Back"
Marry: Sarah Paulson -- I've always thought she was hot
Kill: Jessica Lange -- Mainly because she's the oldest

Jesse Pinkman, Walter White, Saul Goodman ("Breaking Bad")

Eff: Jesse Pinkman -- So would. So much so. Would.
Marry: Saul Goodman -- basically because he's not an old meth dealer
Kill: Walter White -- Your time is up

Emma Watson, Jennifer Lawrence, Anna Kendrick

Eff: Jennifer Lawrence -- even Jack Nicholson wants her
Marry: Emma Watson -- super smart and looks wholesome
Kill: Anna Kendrick -- that "Cups" song was overplayed

Idris Elba, Nicole Beharie, Godfrey Gao

Eff: Godfrey Gao -- Know nothing about him, but he's hot and I'm shallow
Marry: Idris Elba -- Because he is also hot
Kill: Nicole Beharie -- Sorry, the other two have the equipment that wins

Alcohol, Pizza, Netflix (and this is the ridiculous one)

Eff: Alcohol -- The two usually wind up intertwined
Marry: Pizza -- Nom nom nom
Kill: Netflix -- I have no time for it

Test Out a Vibrator On Your Nose

That is just one piece of wisdom I learned this weekend. It's been a busy one -- had a college friend's Athena's (yes, a sex toy biz -- and also spa products) party to attend one night and then a get-together with other college buds the next day.

So, regarding vibrators -- Yes, one should test it out on one's nose for the best way to test how it will feel ahem down below. ;) That was a pretty interesting factoid and we all of course then proceeded to test out the vibrators by holding them against our noses. Pretty hilarious. Also funny when we tested out the oral-sex simulators the same way.

Another tidbit picked up that night -- Adult toys can't be manufactured in the US due to some law. So they're typically made in China and is why most have little kitty faces or dog faces on them or are made to resemble butterflies or whales. Brand new info to me and it was a bit disconcerting to see a large dildo that had a little face on top of it, especially when it was revealed that this dildo/vibrator swivels back and forth. Not sure I'd find that so much arousing as freaking hilarious.

One of the products was a cock ring called a "boogie board". However, one of my friends proceeded to place it inside the top of her corset's bodice and promptly called it a "boobie buddy", because when it was on --it vibrates -- it sent a wave of pleasure down the front of her body from her chest down. That'll be a new hit at Renaissance Faires. :)

Non-Invitation to the Pants Party, Part II

Okay, so lesson learned today... I'm either amazingly hot (possible - hahaha) or just being nice makes people think I'm flirting. What the hell, guys??

I was driving down a main street today, coming home from an errand, and was about to stop at a light in front of a Dunkin Donuts. I stopped right before the DDs to let out a car that was coming out of the drive-thru because I've been stuck in that spot many times waiting to get onto the street. All I saw of the car/driver when I let them go was just the grille of the car.

The car pulled out into the lane a little bit and I made the standard "go ahead" hand wave with my usual smile and caught that the driver was a guy in his 30s or so. He gave me a huge grin back, which I assumed was just being grateful for getting out of that parking lot. I'm naive...

When the light turned green, he pulled out and then got into the lane next to where I was. No big, except that then he stayed right next to my car, despite that there was the equivalent of 5 car lengths of open spots in front of his car. There was not on my side, so I just ignored his car and didn't look over -- because hello, married! He stayed over there until the next light, when I turned off to the right and he honked and then thankfully kept going straight.

So, guys, what is the deal? Is being just polite and nice really seem as a form of flirting?

Who's Your Guilty Crush?

We all have crushes. There's the usual celeb ones that I make known -- Alexander Skarsgard as Mr. Eric Northman in "True Blood" (the man looks amazing both in and out of a great suit); David Boreanaz from first "Buffy" and then "Angel" and then "Bones", making leather coats look good and of course, great suits again. I'm seeing a trend here... "Every girl's crazy for a sharp-dressed man" (So freaking true).

Anyhoo, then there are those celeb crushes you keep secret. Well, until now. ;)

When I first saw a pic of Dog the Bounty Hunter, I thought "ick", and then I happened to catch an episode and well, that thought changed dramatically. Suddenly, seeing him chase after and catch the bad guys and being so damn tall and big, I thought dayum. Just dayum. The man is hot.

Let me tell you something you may not know -- I'm tall and not this petite little thing. Hell, I've been described as an Amazon a few times. I'll take it as a compliment because hello, Xena and Wonder Woman (two girl crushes, but that's another post). But, being tall, it's not usual for me to feel little at all. But when I see Dog the Bounty Hunter -- yeah, that guy would make me feel tiny to him in comparison, and that's pretty hot. Plus, he has a gun (and I'm usually quite anti-gun, so lord knows that's a weird thing for me to find hot), which means I'd feel safe around him. Never a bad thing.

So, I spilled. Who's your guilty crush?

RIP Robin Williams -- Depression is a Lying Bastard

Depression is a lying bastard.

It is.

If you're dealing with depression, or know someone who is, please re-read that first line as many times as you need to to let it sink in. Depression lies. It's insidious; it's evil; and it kills.

The news items are saying that Robin Williams dealt with depression for quite some time and that he committed suicide. Horrible. I can't even imagine feeling that low that you think killing yourself is the only way out. I just can't. Although I do understand that depression lies.

I've dealt with depression myself in the past --it brought it's close friend, anxiety, along for the ride. Awful, awful time and even though I know depression lies, everything just seemed horrible. Very glad to be past that thanks to getting out of the work situation I was in and through some therapy as well. Talking to friends/family who "got it" also did a world of good for me so I knew I wasn't alone in what felt like insanity.

If you're dealing with depression, please... Reach out. Talk to someone. Get some help. No one should have to feel that way.

Depression is a lying bastard.

Idris Elba's Bulge

For the photo, click here for the Eonline.com story.

Oh, Idris. You had to go and tell the world that was a mic wire, and not you pulling a spectacular Jon Hamm (and with that length in that pic, would have been over-Hamming Hamm...).

We were all quite enjoying the thought that that was all you and not a mic wire. Admit it -- it's not mic wire. Shhh, don't ruin this for us. ;)

Oh, IM Errors....

So, that just happened...

Was IMing with a female friend who also works at my same company who was sending links to pics of this very, very hot CrossFit guy (not a clue what his name is and she doesn't know him --just knows of him since he's known in that field). Anyhoo, she sent one where the guy was clean-shaven -- he typically has a caveman-like beard. And I wrote back to her with "Holy crow! Yum!". At least I thought I wrote back to her.

Yeah, no. I had sent "Holy crow! Yum!!" to another coworker.

On the plus side, this was also a female coworker, who is a work friend, and when I explained what that sentence out of nowhere meant (and I realize now I could have pawned if off as being about lunch or something, but that didn't even occur to me at the time) she of course also wanted to see the pics and I obliged.

Had this been ohhhh my new boss, that would have been far, far worse. But Gaah. Dammit, IM windows for making it so easy to IM the wrong person.

Bullet Dodged

File this under -- dodged a bullet. Nothing like finding out that an impression you had of someone was faulty at best. Wow.

There was a high school reunion this weekend for the class before mine. So, naturally, that got me thinking about my high school days and the guys I had crushes on then. I realized that I know what most of them have been up to (thank you, Facebook LOL), but there was one that didn't seem to be on FB. So, of course, I googled.

Wow. Wish I hadn't. The guy has a very, very unique name so it was easy to find him through Google -- but what I found was that he was charged with assault and battery a few years back on an elderly disabled person, who may have been his father. Holy hell! Not what I was expecting at all. At all.

This guy... Maaaan, when I was back in high school, he was the sweetest guy. So quiet, but insanely smart and just had this sarcastic sense of humor that I got. Loved it. He was the first guy I ever asked out. Ack... Remember, this was before Internet, so I called his home and asked him to prom. Aaah. What was I thinking? He turned me down for a very valid reason (can't say what it was because that would give it away who he is quite likely to anyone that went to high school with me). But I was of course crushed.

Knowing this, though, which I would never have expected. Bullet dodged. Dayum. And a not so good dayum at that.

I guess you really don't ever really know someone. Still a bit shocked by this one.

Ohhh, Come with Me Now

First, scratch the sex toy party referenced in the last post. The person who puts on the parties never got back to my neighbor, so no penis-shaped cookies for me tonight.

There's a song that's been noodling around in my brain -- "Come With Me Now" by the group Kongos. Go ahead and click on the YouTube link there and have a listen. I'll wait...

Okay, back now. That song is sooo now on top of my list of songs that just get to me. And that one is now at the very top of that list. Dayum. Hearing it just makes me want to dance or have sex or hell, both.

It does not hurt at all that the lead singer is sex on a stick. He looks a bit like the latest Superman, Henry Cavill, but with his longer hair, he's a dirtier/naughtier version of Cavill and I strongly approve. Yum.

Enjoy the song, kids.

Sex Toy Parties

Haven't posted in a while, so thought I'd come back with a bang, so to speak. ;)

Attending a neighbor friend's sexy toy party this weekend. It's funny because I'll usually pass on most home product parties (despite selling Pampered Chef and Avon for over a year...) but going to this one wasn't even a question. It was a must-attend.

How could I pass this up? Learn about and purchase some new toys and get hang-time with some very cool female neighbors and friends? Abso-fuckin-lutely -- as Mr. Big from Sex and the City would say.

Randomness

A few random thoughts from the past couple of days --none of which deserved a full blog post. :)

- There is a Kickstarter campaign to make a FitBit for kegel exercises, which rewards one with vibrations when you do the kegels correctly. Yes, it's basically a vibrating dildo, but you can track your kegel exercise progress. Happy exercising. ;)

- Not sure why I've never noticed this before, but car washes are hot. Most likely it's the soapy bubbles and all the water --both very sexy things --but can't say I've ever thought of it until I took my car through the car wash today. Funny how different things appear to me because of writing this blog.

- Chocolate-covered strawberries are also hellaciously sexy. Eating some strawberries right now, but they're plain, and I do miss the chocolate.

Dress Up: It's Not Just for Halloween

For the record, I love Halloween. Love it. In fact, I've already ordered my outfit for this year and it arrived today -- going as a clown because I've always had a fear of them and if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?

Well, like I said, the clown dress arrived today and holy see-through! That will either get a liner sewn into it or -- easier -- I'll wear a tank top and funky leggings under it. It came with striped tights, but those are also see-through -- and it's a hoop-bottom to the skirt, so when one sits down, the skirt either flies up in the front or the back. Classy. Hence the leggings. So, apparently, this costume is really made for a clown porn. ;) And no, I'm not going to Google clown porn. Just no.

Of course, that got me thinking not of clown porn (again, no), but of dressing up and role-playing. I'm a big fan of dressing up (see love of Halloween above) and also incorporating role-playing into it.

I've been Santa's naughty little helper (complete with a faux fur red and white bra and little red skirt); the schoolgirl thanks to a little plaid skirt; a stripper giving a lapdance and a strip-tease; and many others over the years. All in good, healthy fun.

So, what's your form of dress-up? I want to know.

Alexander Skarsgard and a Guy on Guy Sex Scene

Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers for last night's episode of "True Blood".

Haven't watched the episode yet, but caught this post on Buzzfeed this morning about a surprising and hot gay sex scene in the show last night, complete with animated gifs.

Apparently, Jason Stackhouse (played by the hot Ryan Kwanten) had a very, very vivid and hot sex dream about Eric Northman (my dream celeb guy, Alexander Skarsgard) because he had imbibed some of Eric's blood last season.

And looking at these gifs, all I can say is bloody hell, it's hot.

In the past, I've always been quite fine with guy-on-girl sex scenes and girl-on-girl sex scenes in movies, TV shows, and porn (yes, I've watched porn -- most people have ;) ). But guy-on-guy sex scenes never interested me at all. Nothing against it. Just not my thing. Well, after seeing this, I change my mind. Dayum. I guess guy-on-guy scenes are quite fine for me when the guys are both spectacularly hot. ;)

Can't wait to watch the episode now.

Frederick's: You're Being a Clinger...

Oh, Frederick's of Hollywood, we have to talk...

I know I bought 2 or 3 items from your emails for a photo shoot I did some months back, and yes, I loved them. How could I not?

But since then you've been sending me emails every day -- with pics of your tantalizing negligees, bra and panty sets; and dresses -- and offering me free shipping if I come back; or information on the latest clearance sales; or a free pair of Stars & Stripes underwear (which honestly, look like they'd make for part of an awesome Wonder Woman-like outfit...) if I buy $75 of your product.

I see your emails come in and I do click (which is probably why you keep sending them. I'm a click tease ;) ) to see what the latest offer is, but I'm not buying anything else right now.

It's not you. It's me, Frederick's. I'll come back to you and buy more at some point, but not right now.

Kisses.

Lessons for My Younger Self

With my 20th college reunion now behind me and a 25th high school reunion next year, I find myself thinking of the past and ways I'd change it if I could. Side note: I wouldn't change a thing because everything brought me to where I am today and my spouse and son, but still -- if I could and it wouldn't change a thing about today... Here's what I'd change:

- Be more outgoing and confident. I was a timid shy little mouse of a mouse back in high school and was convinced that I was the most boring person on the planet, so I spent pretty much every night after school in my room reading when I wasn't working. Yeah, that's a lonely existence and I don't recommend it. I'd tell my past self to look people in the eye, say "hi" and strike up a conversation.

- Ironically, I wanted no attention at all, but I wore clothes that screamed for attention -- like a white t-shirt with the song lyric of "Don't worry, be happy!" on it -- or wearing a sparkly green hat to school on Saint Patrick's Day -- and then I was surprised and horrified when people commented on it. Although that "Don't worry, be happy" shirt did get a comment from a guy I had a crush on at the time. He saw the shirt, smiled and said "Okay, I will". I believe my response was to blush like a fool, stammer out heaven knows what, and look away. Yeah, that was awesome. Cringing at the thought.

- In that same vein, wear comfortable, stylish clothes. I was so all over the place style-wise. In high school, there was a white ruffled blouse and prairie skirt (wish I was kidding!) one day to that shirt above and a black skirt the next. And yet, inside, I felt the most comfortable in classic clothes --while being attracted to the skater boys. Dichotomy, much?

- Oh, honey, tame those eyebrows. Really? And bangs are sooo your friend. Perms are not. Just no. Step away from the perm solution. Begging ya here.

- Boys really aren't as scary as you thought back then. They really are just humans like you. Talk to one. Heck, you might make a friend or get a date -- or in the best case scenario, both.

- The biggest advice I could give my younger self is that everyone has their own issues and everyone's nervous about something or thinks they're not liked. It's normal. Talking to people long after high school, I've learned that now. And found out that quite a few people thought I was awesome and so nice back then - these are all women that I thought were too "above me" for me to befriend or hell even speak to back on high school. I was a fool. :)

The Trouble with Soulmates

The term "soulmate" gets bandied around so, so often, but is it really a true concept? Or is it setting people up for disappointment and heartache?

I have a couple of problems with the term:
- You supposedly have just one soulmate. Okay, great, you've met your soulmate. Fantastic. Excellent. But what if that person dies young or you guys just don't work out as a couple? So that's it? You're now doomed to unhappiness because that person was your one soulmate in the world? That's depressing!
- And what determines a soulmate? That you like the same things? That you feel the same way about things? That you think alike?

With that latter one, my first issue with it is that as people grow up, they learn what they like and what they don't like -- and if you're like me in my very self-conscious early dating days, you'll say you like something the other person likes to make them happy and think that will make them like you more, even if you don't. Note: I so don't recommend this.

"Oh, you like sailing? I loooove sailing!!"
"Oh, you like heavy metal music. I'm such a fan of Metallica!"
"Oh, you want to be a clown? I love clowns!!"

Okay, so that last one would never, ever happen (I loathe clowns), but the first two very much did happen. I don't love sailing -- I get seasick quite easily, and only thanks to seasickness pills do I do okay with it. Heavy metal music -- okay, I did grow to love some of it (a la "Enter the Sandman"), but most of it is just kind of noise to me.

Want to know what I love? I love --in no particular order:

• Cheesy romantic songs from the 70s. Barry Manilow or some "Silly Love Songs"? I swoon.
• Sci-fi shows like "Doctor Who"
• Psychological thriller books
• Action movies like "Die Hard" (Yippee ki yay...)
• Sappy romantic movies like "Love, Actually" and "Sleepless in Seattle"
• Italian food -- okay, semi-Italian food like Olive Garden
• French Vanilla coffee extra extra from Dunkin Donuts

My list there could go on and on, but that's just part of what makes me "me". Do I want someone who loves every single one of those things, too? Actually, no, because I'd get bored and wouldn't learn about anything new that I might also like.

When I was in college, my dream was to become an English professor and marry an English professor and live near a college campus and sit by the fire each night talking about books. That's not quite what happened. I didn't wind up teaching and married a great guy who got me hooked on Huey Lewis (heck, our first dance song was "World to Me") and introduced me to watching WWE wrestling -- which caused me to realize I'd been missing out on watching hot, muscular guys in speedos. Yum. 

So, soulmates. I personally think there are a bunch of soulmates out there for everyone, and usually they're the people you wind up being great friends with. They could also wind up being a lover or a spouse, but there isn't just one.

Bowie and that Bulge in Labyrinth

Ah, David Bowie in "Labyrinth". How I longed to be Jennifer Connolly playing that role against him -- dancing and swaying with him, falling under his spell as well as the spell of those tight, tight leggings he wore. Mmmm. Those leggings. That bulge. I swooned.

While researching this topic, I discovered there is a Tumblr devoted to David Bowie's crotch. Well, I've found my new favorite time-waster. ;)

But, my bulge innocence has been shattered. According to Buzzfeed, Bowie's bulge was intentionally created by their designer. The hell? That is not okay. That was a majestic bulge displayed by Bowie as Jareth, the Goblin King. It can't be false -- that's like saying Santa doesn't exist. (Yes, I know. Don't worry.)

Sorry, but this woman is going to remain steadfast in her belief that that bulge was all Bowie. It's not like I'm ever going to meet him and find out otherwise, right? Let a girl dream.

And speaking of dreams -- David Bowie as Jareth starring in 50 Shades of Gray? Great dream. ;)

Do People Still Date?

Still horrified by a Glamour magazine article I read, which stated that 70% of single women don't know if they've been on a real date in the last year. What?? I'm sorry. What!?!

I'm baffled. How do you not know if you're on a date? Has dating become so lazy that it might be that you're on a date or you might just be hanging out with a bud? There is a difference and it's an important one and leads to far less confusion for both parties.

It got me thinking about my dating life -- and every bit of this was before the Internet was what it is today (I'm old. I'm not that old -- met my spouse when I was 23 and have been with him ever since -- but sometimes like this I feel old LOL ). And I can assure you that every date I had was an honest to God real date.

High School:
-  Hahahaha. I was such the shy mouse back in high school and had a grand total of 3 dates in high school. Two of which were guys I worked with at good ol' Bradlees and one was a set-up for the senior prom. Anyhoo, it was clear each was a date. The first was a date to the County Fair; the second was dinner and a movie (to see "Turner and Hooch". I cried at the end when the dog died -- sorry for the decades-old spoiler there ;) -- and my date laughed at that scene. Heeelllll, no to a second date). And the third we won't discuss because it was a sympathy set-up. Ouch.

College:
- Even in college, when I was on a date, I knew. Freshman year, a guy took me out to dinner and a movie (that Meryl Streep one -- "Postcards from the Edge") and then in later college years, I had other dates of dinner and a movie; or bowling; or just a movie. But they were all definitive dates. Were there random makeouts at parties and the like? Of course. I'm human. :) But those weren't dates and that was fine and dandy.

Post-college:
- The first guy I dated after college was someone I met out at a club. He came to my house; brought flowers (coral roses, from what I recall) and we went out to dinner and to see an a Capella group perform (and then made out in a park). Absolutely a date. No question. We continued to date for a while and each date was a date. After him, there were a number of first dates and each one was a date (dinner or going out to play pool or going to a movie -- just the two of us). When I met my now-spouse, our first date was to dinner and then to see the movie "Copycat". After that, we did more movies or went to Fanueil Hall to roam around together or rented movies or played pool.

So yeah, I'm baffled. What is going on now that 70% of single women do not know that they've been on a date in the last year? I'd say if you have to ask, then you weren't. But I also know how times have changed (man, I feel the need to yell "Get off my lawn" <-- Old!!) and that texting and setting and Skype and the Internet have all changed the dating game, making meeting someone that much easier and making hooking up other much easier. And honestly, I think it's a shame.

Everyone deserves to be woo'ed and to go out on an actual date. Let's bring back actually dating. No more just meet at a bar/club and have sex. Stop. Actually date someone. Get to know them. It's fun. Seriously.

Michael Douglas is the Man

Was reading some magazine recently (I want to say it was "People") and there was an article with Michael Douglas. In it, he talked about how he and Catherine Zeta Jones were working on their marriage and he said something that I've been thinking about ever since.... A paraphrased version is below,

Basically, what it comes down to is that marriage is like a flower. If you tend to it and pay attention to it and water it with affection, it blooms and grows. BUT, if you don't pay attention to it and neglect it, it withers away and will die.

Dayum. Just dayum.

It really spoke to me, and I hope it speaks to all of you, too and gives you some food for thought, if needed.

I know I've been there before. With the day-to-day busy-ness of life, it's so easy to not pay attention to one's marriage and just focus on anything else. But when you do that, you wind up feeling like you have a roommate instead of a spouse and who the heck wants that?

Full disclosure -- I have absolutely been there and my spouse and I went to marriage counseling a couple of years back because we weren't talking/hanging out and spending time together as much as we should have. So I felt lonely and like I just had a roommate instead of a spouse. Wasn't fun, but I fully appreciate my spouse's willingness to go to counseling when I asked.

I can't say the counseling itself was really helpful, but going there together DID help us because we wound up laughing together and well, mocking some of the advice the counselor gave us. Pretty sure
that was so not his intent, but hey, it sure did bring us back together because we remembered how much fun we had together and got us talking and laughing together again, which led to hanging out more and spending time in each other's company instead of watching TV in separate rooms at night. And that was the most important thing -- we started paying more attention to each other instead of not doing so, which made all the difference.

So, yes, I fully agree with Michael Douglas. Pay attention to the flower of your marriage and don't neglect it.

True Blood is Back. Give me a Hell, Yeah!

Y'all have seen my post on Alexander Skarsgard, who I so erroneously left off my celeb freebie list that he gets a freebie list of his very own. Well, if you don't know, he plays Eric Northman on a little show called "True Blood".

His role on this season (the last season of the show) is questionable considering that his last scene on last season was him stretched out nude (yes, full-frontal Skarsgard -- the Internet exploded that day) on a snowy mountain when his ability to be in the sun without burning up ceased. Oopsie. Here's hoping he did survive because that would be quite a loss.

However, there's still plenty of eye candy left, including Joe Manganiello, who's also well-known for his role as a stripper in "Magic Mike" and lots and lots and lots (did I mention lots ?) of sex and nudity.

So, a big thanks to the spouse for re-adding HBO to our cable line up, so we can watch this season of "True Blood" starting tonight. :)

Holy Strange Sex Dream

My dreams are always quite vivid -- and last night's was no exception.

In the dream, my spouse and I decided to make some extra money by working as escorts (not in the life plan that I'm aware of ;) ) at a no-clothing-allowed hot tub/pool resort. This all made perfect sense in the dream.

We first had to pass a test on our skills -- my spouse had to seduce Catherine Zeta-Jones and did so quite well. I had to be able to seduce both sexes, which required me seducing a young Kathleen Turner and Steve Carrell. Okay. Not too surprisingly, all the guys who worked there came into the room to watch while I was giving Kathleen Turner a front and back massage. She loved it. And we were both hired.

Jealousies flared when my spouse and one of the female escorts, who looked like Tatiana Maslany, got a little too friendly (can't say I blame him. She's hot) and they wound up together and he asked me for a divorce. Ouch! I responded by flirting with Paul Rudd (yummy -- have y'all seen the pic of his abs? Dayum.) and wound up having sex with him in the dream. Hilarious how, even in dreams, I only have sex with other guys when I'm single. Dammit, morals. But, also, thank you, morals. :)

Great dream. Hmm, potential business idea there to create -- in somewhere like Nevada where the Bunny Ranch is legal.

On Becoming a Sasquatch

Okay, not really.

But it's finally warm out here, which for me means shorts; short skirts; and dresses as my wardrobe --well, the lower half of my wardrobe. Not just roaming around in shorts or a skirt with no top. Haven't quite gotten into the walk around topless and post those nipples on Instagram uproar. More power to those who do, but not for me. ;)

Anyway, those shorts and short skirts mean shaving my legs daily. Because one does not want to be au natural and not shave at all (not my style --give me my razor or give me death!). Plus, please, honey, I wear contact and my hair is highlighted. Pretty sure I left natural a long while back.

It would be so much easier though if I didn't have to shave every single day, but I also love the feel of my legs being super smooth and hairless. Feels more like summer to me.

Haven't tried the whole Nair thing because with my luck, I'd have a reaction to it and wind up with a blazing red leg for the summer. Pretty sure that's not hot. Just no.

So, in the name of my own vanity, I'll keep on shaving. No need to look out for a Sasquatch up this way.

Celeb Freebie List: The Missing Person

Ooh, this is embarrassing. I just remembered who was missing from my Celeb Freebie List post. And wow, that's such a mistake that this man deserves his own post. Because dayum. Just dayum.

My dear readers, if you haven't seen "True Blood", you need to do so. Sex scenes and naked men and women all over the place. And my main reason for watching -- Mr. Eric Northman, portrayed by the mighty fine Alexander Skarsgard.

Now, I typically go for dark-haired guys, but an exception would absolutely be made for Monsieur Skarsgard. I wasn't too into him in the first season when he had the long hair, but when he cut it and started wearing sharp suits? Come to mama. (Yes, there's a pic of him in said suit there. Pardon the drool.)

The man has it going on. He's tall; built; has a great ass and those arms (I have a bit of a thing for muscular arms). Just yummy.

So, my apologies to Alexander Skarsgard for leaving him off the list before. You're back on your own list -- and this one is laminated.

Thong or Today's Torture Device

Oh, thongs. I get your appeal -- hell, there's a whole song devoted to you. (And whilst looking for "Thong Song" on YouTube, I found out that "Glee" did a version of it. Alrighty? How the hell do I not remember that?)

Anyhoo, yes, thongs, I understand. You remove the awful idea of the VPL (visible panty lines). Can't have that. And some women love to flaunt you while wearing low-cut jeans. I get it. You're hot. You're sexy. It's all good.

But, thong, why do you have to be so damn uncomfortable? Why? Why? Why? I love the idea of you. Seriously, I do. And I want to wear you, but comfort wins out (almost) every time. Yes, I know. I could go commando (and have), but there's just something about you, thong. I want to like you.

Maybe I've been trying the wrong brands? If there's a brand out there that is actually comfortable, gals, fill me in.

The subject of thongs came to me when I was reading E! Online today and noticed this article about a C-String. It's a thong without the side parts to it. Yup, let that sink in for a minute. There are no sides to this thong.

How on earth would that stay on, then? I'm sure I'm not the only one who read the article and immediately thought it was some kind of vibrator/dildo.

But, no, that's not the case. Instead it's a hard but flexible material in the back and just stays put in between your cheeks. Can't say I'm getting that idea because I know I'd be the fool who would try it and instantly have it fall to the floor during a meeting or something. No, no, no.

WWE and Playboy Mags

Ohh, the joys of being a mom...

Was just looking through Amazon with the little guy (okay, not so little -- he turns 12 this summer) at potential items he wants to add to his wishlist for his birthday. After going through and adding an XBox One; a PlayStation 3 and a PlayStation Vita (keep dreaming, dude) -- he went to look at the books they had on the WWE, since he loves watching and learning about wrestling.

Scrolling down the page, and all was fine and normal. There were biographies of John Cena; guide books for how to play wrestling video games; issues of "Playboy" that featured divas... Wait. What?? Insert screeching record noise here.

Well, that was new. I scrolled past and briefly mentioned it that Playboy is a magazine that features women not wearing clothes, so yeah, not adding that to the wish list. Yeah, because that wouldn't interest an almost 12-year old boy, right? Head smack.

Of course, then he wanted to keep scrolling to see if any other Playboy mags came up in the WWE books section and was cracking up laughing about it. I guess that's good that he was laughing and not all quiet -- and I know he's at that age where "the talk" will be happening soon (hell, my good friend Ginger had that talk with her kids today), but dayum, I'm not ready.

To me, my little guy is still my little guy. No, no, no to any interest in Playboy mags and the like. I'm feeling a bit like Scarlett O'Hara thinking "la di dah, tomorrow is another day". That's okay, right? :)

So Light 'Em Up!

Heard Fall Out Boy's "My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark" tonight while I was in the car. I of course cranked the volume up because I love the beats of that song --just gets to me. Love it.

While I was listening to it, I was thinking of the lyrics of "My songs know what you did in the dark, so light 'em up!" and it made me think about sex. Okay, what doesn't? ;) But hear me out, here.

In my early days of sex, the darkness was my BFF. The thought of my partner looking at and seeing me in all my nakedness during sex? Any jiggly bits would be revealed. Gaaah. Noooo. Can't have that. Darkness with just one light on far across the room was my go-to.

But then this little thing called self-confidence hit and screw knowing what you did in the dark. I want all the lights on. Let there be light and absolutely light 'em up. It's funny/ironic because I probably weigh about the same as the first time I ever had sex, and there have been weight losses and gains (far too many to count of both) since then, but as I became older, the self-confidence gets higher and higher.

And yes, it absolutely helps that my partner thinks I'm the hottest thing on the planet -- and if he doesn't think that, he's a way better actor than I pegged him for, so I believe him. But it's also me. I believe I'm hot, so I want to flaunt that -- and why shouldn't I? Self-confidence is hot. Period.

Whatever you need to do or think or tell yourself, find a way to gain self-confidence if you don't already have it in spades, because let me tell you, once you feel like you're great, you won't stand for anyone who tries to make you think or feel otherwise. And that's important.

Plus, self-confidence is sexy. Let those lights shine; wear your slinkiest negligee, girls, or nothing at all -- or hell, try on some outfits and role-play (will cover that in another blog) -- and know you're rocking it.

Stop being in the darkness. Light 'em up!

Bulges and Boobs

Since my most-popular post so far was on the topic of bulges, figured I'd keep that trend going, but would make it applicable with some advice for both:

Men:
- If you have a bulge to be proud of, don't hide it. Now I'm not saying you should start walking around the beach in one-sided thong Speedos (please, please, please don't. I don't want to be responsible for that gracing the local shorelines), but wear more form-fitting pants or sports shorts and go Commando from time to time. Don't be shy. You've got it, so flaunt it.

Ladies:
- Camel toe. Don't do it. Need I really say more? Didn't think so.

As for boobs, now that's a whole different story. I tend to veer towards shirts that highlight cleavage -not that there's really any other kind for me. ;)

Ladies:
Be proud of your boobs, girls. Show 'em off. Tastefully, of course. But do. And find the right bra -- or "over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder" (and thank you, "Beaches", for that...)

Men:
- There's this trend I've been seeing of very low v-neck tee-shirts for guys. Fellas, if you don't work out regularly, or have man-boobs, please don't sport these. It's just not attractive.

Summer Lovin', Had Me a Blast...

Apologies to all of you singing that song from "Grease" right now. But I was thinking of that song today and I wondered -- is "Summer lovin'" even possible anymore at our age (ahem --very early 40s, but could and do easily pass for mid-30s)?

My friend Ginger (will link to her blog when trying to visit stops crashing Firefox on me) mentioned a "Summer fling" in her most recent blog -- and I should add that she's entirely faithful to her man and isn't having one. She was just discussing the concept.

Any hoo, Summer flings? Am I just much older than I feel or is that just not done at our age. Seems more of a high school/college thing to me where you meet someone over the summer, but then leave each other behind to go back to school and the fling is over.

For me, my summer fling as it where was the summer after college. It was kind of an unintentional summer fling, though. Met the boy at a bar (as one does); boy called the next day and showed up at my house with flowers (maybe coral roses?) to take me out to dinner. We met each others' parents -- quite easy as we lived with our parents as it was the summer after college. It was more of how it was than anything that symbolized the seriousness of the relationship. We dated for a few months, but then a job offer came up in NYC that he couldn't refuse in the family biz (no, he wasn't a mobster --bummer since I wanted to be a gun moll as a child. Did I mention I was an odd duck? Probably don't have to, now.)

I had no interest in moving to NYC --leave behind my family and friends? Surely, you jest! And long distance relationships don't work for me. We thought about it, but this was pre-Internet days, and cards and calls wound up being one-sided. So, that ended and that was my Summer fling.

These days, with kids and jobs and the like, I just don't get how a Summer fling would even be possible. Hmm, and here's where I add that I'm married, so I'm not looking for a fling of any kind anyway. But tell me -- am I wrong? Are Summer flings still a thing or are they "dust in the wind, dude"?

$100 Bill in the Parking Lot

What would you have done?

I just went to Target to finish up Father's Day shopping. As I got out of my car, I looked down and saw a $100 bill sitting there. I knew that I hadn't dropped it as I don't generally carry $100 bills around -- not quite how I roll.

Yes, of course I thought of picking it up, but I didn't. Told myself that if it was still there when I came back to my car, I'd think about it then.

Well, I came back to my car and the $100 was still there letting out a siren's song to be picked up. Aaaaaaack. It was tempting, let me tell you. So tempting.

But I left it there on the ground, got in my car and drove away.

WHAAT?!! I can hear you all screaming that as you read this. But I did leave it there.

If i had picked it up, I would have felt guilty (thank you, good ol' Catholic guilt) for using money that rightfully belonged to someone else and would have felt awful if the person came back looking for the money and it wasn't there because I had taken it and they really needed it.

I'm not swimming in money, but I didn't need that $100. It wasn't mine to take. Pure and simple as that.

Let's hope that incurs some great karma... And that the karma wasn't the $100 bill being there for me. LOL

So, dear readers, what would you have done?

Duuuude, That's Your Mom!

Ah, yes, I am talking about "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". Love that movie. I saw it for the first time when it came out (I was 17) and went to go see it again in the theater just a few days later because I loved it so much. That's the only time I've seen a movie twice in a movie theater.

Now, I own the DVD and the CD (one of the great soundtracks of our time ;) ). Happened to catch that it was on Comedy Central today and called my son in to see the scene where Genghis Khan and crew destroy the San Dimas Mall. He, being an 11-year old, loved Genghis Khan decapitating a mannequin; taking out the security guards with a skateboard and using a mini-trampoline and said skateboard to get away. So, I showed him the DVD and we settled down to watch the full movie together.

Thankfully, the "Oedipal Complex" that Bill has on his step-mom totally flew over my son's head. Forgot about that plot. He was too busy hiding his eyes when Bill and Ted were flirting with the princesses. LOL

Besides the special effects being high-quality for the 80s and pretty horrific by today's standards, I still love this movie. Still find the guy who plays Billy the Kid insanely hot; still want my own time-travel phone booth; and still want Abe Lincoln to yell out "Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!" at the end of a school assembly (we'll ignore that I haven't been in school in oh, decades...)

Plus, George Carlin. I actually saw him perform his stand-up routine during my honeymoon, so I'll always have a special place in my heart for him. RIP, Mr. Carlin. You were awesome.

Do be excellent to each other, and always party on, dudes!

Boudoir Photos: Tips for a Great Experience

Talking about boudoir photo shoots today -- if you don't know what they are, think about it.

"Boudoir" = "Bedroom", but no, it's not photos of your bedroom. Please! How boring would that be? This is a bit more interesting in nature -- photos taken in various degrees of undress or in nothing at all. Photos meant for the bedroom, or wherever else you feel like taking or perusing them. Got it? ;)

I had the pleasure of having a boudoir photo shoot done a few months back and looooved the results. Those photos are just for my eyes and my husband's eyes (he loved them); and of course, a few select girlfriends, who also approved and all now want to have a boudoir photo shoot of their own done. And they should.

So, what do you need to know if you're considering a boudoir shoot?

• Find the right photographer. This part is crucial. I used the same photographer that my sister did when she had a photo shot done last year, so it was easy for me as this photographer came highly recommended by someone I trust explicitly. You want to hire a photographer who is easy to get along with; takes great photos; who you can trust; and in my case, I wanted a female photographer and someone who would make the photo shoot fun. And she absolutely did.
• Decide what you want to wear/how much you want to reveal. For me, I went with the rule of showing anything that could/would be shown in a bikini. I know many boudoir shots reveal it all, but I wasn't comfortable with that idea and knew I'd feel better going this way. The pictures were still hot as hell and I think were even more so because I didn't reveal everything/left something to mystery. 
• Bring 4-7 outfits with you. I brought 6 outfits with me and my photographer went through them with me when I got there and we talked about what would work the best. One of the outfits I wound up wearing was was a complete lark. I was having my hair and makeup done before the shoot, so I needed a button-down shirt, but didn't have any on-hand (button-down shirts are my enemy :D ), so I grabbed one of the chambray denim button-down shirts that my husband has and wore that over leggings for my hair/makeup appointment and to the studio. When I was talking to the photographer and going over outfits, we went with using that button-down shirt in a number of the shots and it was perfect. 
• Trust your photographer. If you hired the right photographer, that trust will come from the start, but it's never as important as when you're standing in your underwear or a negligee in front of a camera. I knew that my photographer had my best interests and the best photos in mind, and trusted her to get the lighting and and my poses just right to get the best. 
• HAVE FUN! This is also crucial. Have fun with it. You're most likely going to only do a boudoir shot once in your life, so make it a fun experience. I spent the entire time cracking up with my photographer and that comes across fully in the photos that I'm having a great time. You don't have to look serious to look sultry; there's also sexiness found in laughter and a big, confident smile. 

Wondering if you should have a boudoir photo shoot done? Stop wondering and do it. 

Now Your Baby's Dancing with Another Man...

Oh, Bruno Mars, we need to talk, hon. I just heard "When I Was Your Man" on the radio yet again, and there's a reason "your baby's now dancin' with another man". Seriously.

Let's see -- you realize after you guys broke up that you should have bought her flowers; should have taken her dancing; should have held her hand; should have given her all your hours.

This is pretty easy, Bruno. Basically, you should have paid her attention. I'm guessing that you spent your time when she was around not talking to her nor hanging out with her. Maybe you had your head in your phone or laptop instead because that seemed more important.

Probably seems a little less important now, eh?

Guys and girls alike, take heed. If you have someone you love, hold on to them, and pay attention to them. We don't really ask for much -- just to know that we're being listened to; have someone to talk to; and someone we can laugh with. It's really pretty simple, kids.

And if you don't do it now, that person will find someone who will appreciate everything you once had, and then you'll be singing about how your baby's dancin' with another man. No one wants that.

That Age Old Question: Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

Blame "When Harry Met Sally" for the thought that men and women can't be friends.

Is this really true, though? Can men and women never be friends without sex getting in the way?

I say they can. And here's why -- or should I say how it can work.


If either one is gay. If the man is gay and the woman is straight (and has no thoughts on trying to get him to change teams -- never works. Trust "Seinfeld" on this one, ladies), sex will never be a part of the friendship, so it's easy. If the woman is gay and the man is straight, it's the same -- and again, boys, don't try to change her sexual orientation. It won't happen. Stop dreaming. Just like trying to make "fetch" happen, this also won't happen.

If both are married. This can work IF both people are firmly committed to their spouses and have no interest in cheating/getting out of their marriage at all. Period.

If one is single and one is married. Playing with fire here, kids. Of course, it can work, if it's clear from the beginning you're just friends, but be careful since a problem could occur if the single person becomes interested in the married person (as a friend said recently when turning down a married guy that was hitting on her -- "I have no interest in playing in someone else's sandbox" -- wise words). And conversely, if the married person is friends with the single person because they're interested in them. Again, fire-playing. Burns. No good.

If both are single. This can work if neither finds the other attractive. If one finds the other attractive; but the second person doesn't feel the same, you're heading towards a lot of hurt feelings. Does anyone really want that? But you can also find each other attractive with the knowledge that it's never going to happen because you value your friendship too much. Men and women have different views on things and different experience that the other can find helpful and appreciate.

Men and women CAN be friends.You just need to be careful, but it can wind up being one of the best friendships of your life.

Book Review: "Desperate" by Daniel Palmer

Had the pleasure of meeting the author, Daniel Palmer at a book-signing event for Christopher a Golden. There were a number of local authors there talking about their books, and Palmer's sounded quite interesting, so I was considering checking it out.

While I was waiting in line to have Golden's book, "The Ferryman", signed, I was standing in front of Palmer's part of the table. He was talking to a fellow behind me and mentioned his worst book signing story was when a person wanted him to inscribe a book with "Happy Birthday" for a friend, so he did that and then thought to make it even more festive by drawing a balloon. However, he shortly realized that his balloon looked like sperm. So, he tried to add a bunch of balloons, resulting in what looked like a sea of swimming sperm. Horrified, he then went on to add a "Happy Birthday" banner and a cake, silently thinking that the person he was signing the book for was going to think he was a loon.

The story slayed me, so, of course, I had to pick up a copy of his hardcover book, Desperate, and asked him to sign it and add a balloon. He laughed and happily complied.

I finished reading "Desperate" last night -- or more specifically, this morning close to 1 a.m. and it is one hell of a thrill-ride. I love psychological thrillers and this one had it in spades.

I thought I knew how the plot was going to go, but I didn't, which is a pleasant rarity for me. Instead, there was a twist after a twist after a delicious twist and it was perfection.

This is a must-read if you love psychological thrillers as much as I do. Enjoy!!

Trying Out a Pole Fitness Class

Well, this should be interesting... Per a tweetee's recommendation, I just signed up for a Intro to Pole Fitness class at a local pole fitness studio.

Interesting because I am the biggest klutz in the world. Throw a pole into the mix and ack. But, will be intriguing to try it. I've read that one's arm strength increases from these classes, so that would be a good thing.

And, come on. It's pole fitness -- yes, fitness classes involving a pole like you'd find in a strip club. The studio also offers pole dancing classes and chair dancing classes and flexibility lessons a la yoga. Considering that the pole fitness classes themselves involve actually climbing up the pole (which just gave me flashbacks to having to climb the rope in gym class in middle school -- do I have to mention how badly that went? Didn't think so.), I'm thinking that the dance classes or flexibility ones might be more up my alley.

But I'll start out with the intro class and see how that goes first. And of course there will be a future blog post describing it. No question.

Favorite Smells

Received an email this morning from ThinkGeek, which featured Father's Day presents -- including soaps that smell like bacon, whiskey and coffee. Link here: Scented soaps

That email led me to ponder scents and smells -- What scents do you love the most, and what makes your nose want to plug itself up forever to avoid smelling that ever again?

My top scents include:

• Anything with a spicy smell to it -- a la the Spice candle from Bath and Body Works, which it looks like is only out during Winter months. Cinnamon = yum.
• Drakkar Noir -- this scent brings me right back to college because almost every guy drenched themselves in it.
• Soap -- reminds me of showers and enough said there. ;)
• Books -- the smell of a bookstore and all the books there. 
• Napalm in the morning -- how could I not add that? 

The scents that get a "No" from me. Solid, solid no.

• Lavender -- Just ick. Stay away. 
• The Sweet Pea fragrance from Bath and Body Works -- I have no idea what's in it, but no,
• Anything overly flowery -- Just too cloying.

So, what's on your list?

Sending S&M Love

Thank you, iPad. Thanks ever so much.

Just went to type "Sending some love" to a friend who's going through a tough time and the iPad (which is apparently a freak in the bed. Who knew?) decided that I meant "Sending S&M love".

I assure you, iPad, that was not meant. Wow.

Why Nefarious Vixens?

You might be wondering about the name of this blog. I know I would be. It all started when my good friend, Ginger and I were discussing the potential of our own podcast (information to come later on that) and possible topics, including a non-invitation to the pants party (follow up blog post to come on that). We knew we wanted to have Vixens in the name, but what to put in front of it? The possibilities were endless. We thought about our buddies at the Angry Mancave podcast (check them out and then give them a "like" on their Facebook page). Despite the name of "The Angry Mancave", don't let that fool ya. These guys aren't really all that angry. Sure, they get riled up about stuff in their podcast, but they'll also spend time talking sports and geeky movies. So the term "Angry" isn't all encompassing for them -- it's just a part of them. So, what's a part of us? Well, being wicked, but in all the good ways. However, I'm sure there are Wicked Vixens sites all over the place, and I wanted something different. Thanks to a FB discussion the other day, I stumbled across "Nefarious". What does that mean? Google defines it as follows:

NEFARIOUS:(typically of an action or activity) wicked or criminal. "the nefarious activities of the organized-crime syndicates" synonyms: wicked, evil, sinful, iniquitous, egregious, heinous, atrocious, vile, foul, abominable, odious, depraved, monstrous, fiendish, diabolical, unspeakable, despicable;

Okay, we're not criminal in the slightest, but wicked? That works. And there you have it -- a blog title was born.

Fighting Back: Buffy and Female Empowerment against Abusers

Caught an old episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" titled "Passion" (David Boreanaz -- would) this morning before work. When I first saw the episode decades ago, I took it as face value. Vampire slayer sleeps with vampire; vampire loses his soul due to true happiness; vampire then mentally tortures vampire slayer and her family and friends; vampire slayer kicks vampire's ass. You know --your normal every day scenario.

But, watching it today at an older age, I see a whole other side to it, which takes the all too real story of abusive boyfriends/spouses and puts a vampire spin on it. Thankfully, I've never had to deal with abuse of any sort (minus some mild bullying in the form of verbal abuse in school days, which I know could have been far worse), but I know far too many people who have dealt with abusive significant others in all shapes and forms.

In "Passions", Buffy gets to fight back against her abuser by quite literally kicking his ass and then (decades-old spoiler alert) killing him and sending him back to Hell right as he gets his soul back. Man, I hate when that happens. Buffy has always been a symbol of female empowerment and is never more so than when she demolishes her abusive boyfriend. What abused person doesn't dream about that and gaining their power back?

On a serious note, if you are being abused, there is help. Check out or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline: The Hotline

No one deserves to be abused. Period.

The Poor Man's Sandra Dee

Before I go into this post, I should state that I am the biggest goody two-shoes on the planet when it comes to drugs -- have never even smoked a cigarette let alone tried anything else. You can start singing "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee" from "Grease" now. Go ahead. I'll wait...

All good? Do your best Rizzo voice? Excellent. Moving on.

With the above said, I have a feeling that drugs and I wouldn't work well together. I took a fast-acting anti-anxiety med that had been prescribed to me for work travel one night to try it out. That same night, I was convinced a blonde evil leprechaun peeked around the corner of the bedroom. Yeaaah, pretty sure that was not actually reality. Let's hope not, anyway. The real-life version of "Leprechaun" doesn't interest me. Just no. Evil leprechauns are the next step up from clowns and clowns are hideous creatures.

However, I keep hearing about how drugs (and this is about prescription drugs) affect people, and let me tell ya, it sounds like I'm missing out on a hell of a time. From a prescribed sleeping med causing the "most amazing sex of one's life" (with the kind of important side effect that one does not remember said night. Whoops) to an anti-depressant creating strong feelings of horndog'dom (it's a word) -- I've got to say I'm intrigued.

So, tell me. Any stories to share?